Rain Keeps Falling
by snoozin81
Summary: There was something soothing about a thunderstorm, the rain beating down on the roof, a flash of lightening chasing away the darkness, a crack of thunder breaking the eerie silence. I’d always found it to be comforting knowing that once the storm was over
1. Chapter 1

Plans always have a way of changing. At the beginning senior year, I had a plan. A plan to win Craig Manning's heart, a plan to follow him to Vancouver...but none of that happened and I was in fact spending my summer alone. Craig was in Vancouver without me, Marco was in New York with Paige and Dylan, and Jimmy and Ashley were leaving on a cruise of the Caribbean at the end of the week. I, Ellie Nash, wasn't going anywhere. I was spending my last summer of childhood right here in Toronto and it sucked.

I rolled over and looked at the glowing numbers on my alarm clock. Noon. I tried to remember the last time I'd slept in until noon. It had to have been right after I moved in with Sean. Something about not needing to get up and check to make sure your mother was still breathing in her drunken state had put me at ease and I'd slept until noon.

I thought back to my late night conversation with Craig. He'd called to tell me about the gig he'd played in some exclusive Vancouver night club. He'd been excited and I'd been excited for him. He'd begged me to come see him in Vancouver and I was beyond ecstatic. Until he had mentioned that Manny and Emma would be there too, that is. Did he honestly think that I'd want to spend my summer watching him and the wannabe actress play tonsil hockey? Did he really think that Manny wouldn't have a problem with me busting up her alone time with Craig?

I shook all thoughts of Craig form my mind as I tossed back the covers and climbed out of bed. One look in the mirror and I groaned. There were large black circles under my eyes and my hair looked like something from a horror movie. I padded my way across the hall to the bathroom. There was still an underlying smell of vomit from the years my mom had spent throwing up cheap liquor and not always hitting the toilet. It seemed like a lifetime ago and like yesterday all at the same time. I turned on the shower and let the water heat up as I peeled off my old gray pajama pants and the little tank top I'd worn to bed. The scars were faded now, but still visible. They were a reminder of the girl I use to be but never wanted to be again. After Sean left I'd wanted more than anything to go back to my old way of comfort, but I hadn't. It had been a turning point in my life, a moment of growth. I was a lot stronger then I'd ever thought I was.

When the water was steaming I climbed in, letting it rain down on me. There was nothing better than a nice hot shower to make a person feel rejuvenated. It washed away the weariness, the pain, the depression, the anger, the fear, and all other emotions that could bring you down. You could almost get lost in the fog that the shower doors held in. It was like getting lost in a dream.

After about thirty minutes the water began to get cold, so I shut it off and climbed out. I wrapped a towel around my hair and another one around my body before heading back to my room. My stomach growled, reminding me I hadn't eaten since eight o'clock last night. I quickly threw on some clean clothes, pulled my hair up in a messy ponytail and headed out of the house.

The Dot was only a few blocks away. The closer I got, the hungrier I got. I could smell The Dot before I could see it and it was a good smell. It brought back a million memories of Marco, of Sean, of Craig, of the life I'd be leaving come September. I quickened my pace, the smell driving my every move. The bell above the door jingled, giving away my presence. The place was packed with teenagers. The first week of summer vacation had left them all with a sense of freedom. I spotted one familiar face, Alex Nunez, and made my way towards her table. 

"Mind if I join you?" I asked, not waiting for an answer before pulling out the chair and sitting down.

"I guess not." She replied sarcastically. It was part of her charm sarcasm and brutal honesty. "What's up, Nash?"

"I'm bored out of my mind. What about you?" I replied, picking up the menu sitting between the napkin holder and the salt and pepper shakers. I scanned it quickly, already knowing what I wanted but doing it out of habit.

"Kicking myself for agreeing to go to the beach with Jay," Alex replied with a roll of her eyes.

I raised my eyebrows questioningly, "You're going to the beach with Jay? Are the two of you…?"

"No!" She replied cutting me off. "We're just friends or something like that."

"Everyone's got plans but me." I said, more to myself than to Alex.

"So make some plans, go with us." Alex offered. I wasn't a hundred percent sure if she was joking or not.

"Right," I replied sarcastically, not really sure how to respond.

"It's up to you. We're leaving Friday if you change your mind." Alex added, standing up and grabbing her bill. "See you around, Nash." 

I couldn't believe she'd been serious. Since I'd found Craig and she'd found Paige we hadn't really spent a whole lot of friend time together and yet she'd given me a way out of the boring summer a head of me. But did I really want to spend my summer with Jason Hogart? I cringed, then shook the thought from my head just as Spinner stopped by to take my order.

"Hey El, what'll it be?" He asked.

"Dot burger platter," I replied. "No onions and a sweet tea."

"Great. It'll be out in a few." He replied, picking up Alex's empty plate before heading back to the kitchen.

I found myself thinking about Alex's invitation again. The last time I'd been to the beach hadn't been the best experience. I'd watched my boyfriend struggle with his demons, nearly drown, turn to his ex, and decided he was better off with his parents then with me. What would Craig think? He wouldn't be too happy that I'd declined his offer to spend some time in Vancouver, only to end up at the beach with Jason Hogart. I smiled, wondering if he'd be jealous or if he'd even care. Spinner pulled me out of my thought as he sat my drink down in front of me. 

"Thanks Spin." I replied. "Are you working all summer?" 

His face lit up with that goofy grin that despite your best efforts makes you smile too, "No, actually today's my last day until the end of August. I'm leaving tomorrow to go spend a couple of weeks with Terri."

"Terri?" I asked a little shocked. It was a name I hadn't heard in a little over a year. 

"Yeah, she called like out of the blue and invited me to spend the summer with her. I figured what the heck, Darcy's gone and Jimmy's getting ready to leave. It beats spending the summer alone. We talked for like hours on the phone the other day. It was nice, you know, not having her judge me." Spinner explained. He was bubbling with excitement. Pure happiness written all over his face, it was something I hadn't seen in a long time.

"That's great Spin. Tell her I said hello." I offered with a smile.

"I will. You're food will be right out, El." He added before heading back to his other tables.

I was almost finished eating when my cell phone rang. I quickly picked it up, hoping to hear Craig's voice on the other end of the line but it was Ashley instead. Ashley rambled something about a bathing suite crisis and needing my help. I couldn't help but wonder when we became the kind of friends that worried about clothes and went shopping together. Ashley had changed a lot in England which I figured had been the whole point in the first place. Ashley had found herself and I was immensely jealous. 

I met Ashley downtown, thankful she hadn't changed enough to have wanted to spend the day in the mall. With school out, the mall would have been a mad house.

"I can't believe you want to spend the day shopping." I whined as we headed into the first store.

"And I can't believe you turned down Craig's invitation." She replied.

I rolled my eyes, "Would you want to spend the summer with him and his groupies? Manny's annoying and Emma….lets just say the only thing we've ever had in common was Sean."

"Okay, okay, point taken...but are you really going to spend all summer hanging around here?" Ashley asked holding up two bikinis and asking, "Which one do you think?"

I shrugged, then looking them both over pointed to the white one, "Actually, I was thinking about going to the beach."

"Really?" she asked, putting the black on back on the rack. "With who?" 

"With Alex..." I started then lowered my voice and added, "And Jay."

"Are you insane?" She shot back, looking at me like I had a second head growing from my shoulder. "Jay as in Jason Hogart? Ellie you can't. Those two are nothing but trouble." 

"Ash, no offense, but you've been gone for a year. People change. Alex isn't nearly as bad as you think. She's actually pretty cool." I offered in explanation.

"Maybe Alex isn't as bad as I think but Jay is. El, he's a delinquent, a trouble maker. You can't seriously be planning on spending the summer with him." Ashley continued, making me wish I'd never mentioned it in the first place.

"I'm not planning on anything. I'm thinking about it." I said as I flipped through the rack of bathing suits in front of me.

"Well do yourself a favor and stop thinking about it." She replied. "I'm going to try this on." 

I continued to flip through the rack as Ashley disappeared into the changing room. My eye caught a cute little black and red two piece that came with a mesh long sleeved top. There was only one and I didn't figure it would be my size. I lifted it up and had to force my jaw not to drop when it turned out to be. If I believed in signs that would have been it, my decision would have been made. I followed Ashley's footsteps towards the changing room figuring what the heck if she was forcing me to shop I might as try it on.

Ashley and I came out at the same time. She looked gorgeous with her hair pulled up. Jimmy was definitely going to be in awe of her all summer. I smiled, "Ash, you look hot!"

"So do you, El." She cooed.

I reluctantly turned towards the wall length mirror. The girl staring back at me was nothing like the girl that had been in my bedroom mirror this morning. I smiled before turning back to Ashley, "I guess this shopping trip turned out to be pretty short and painless."

"Oh, no, it's not over yet." Ashley snickered before returning to her dressing room.

I groaned but didn't put up much of a protest as I changed back into my regular clothes. By the end of the day I had a brand new summer wardrobe. I headed home alone trying to ignore the decision I had made somewhere between my new bathing suit and the two new pairs of flip flops.

"Mom," I called out as I entered the house and dropped my bags on the floor by the door.

"In here," She called back from the direction of the kitchen.

I took a deep breath figuring here goes nothing, "Mom, I've been thinking, what would you say if I told you I wanted to spend the summer at the beach with some friends?"

I watched as my mom sat down in one of the dining room chairs before replying, "Well, I think it sounds like a lot of fun. If you really want to go I don't see why you shouldn't."

"Really?" I asked a little shocked that she wasn't going to try and convince me to stay home with her. 

"Ellie, you're eighteen. You're a good kid. If you want to spend the summer with your friends, I can't exactly stop you. Besides, I think you should have as much fun as possible before school starts." My mother explained.

"Wow! That was incredibly easy." I replied with a smile. "Thanks mom. I better go call Alex and start packing."

I headed upstairs, bags in hand. I picked up the phone beside my bed and dialed Alex's number. She answered on the third ring.

"I'm in," I offered. 

"Took you long enough," She replied sarcastically on the other end of the line. "We'll pick you up Friday morning around noon."

"So, Friday afternoon," I teased.

"Yeah," She answered.

We hung up and I was actually feeling excited. I was no longer the only one stuck at home for the summer. My plans had changed. I was headed to the beach with the two most unlikely people ever and I was actually looking forward to it.


	2. Chapter 2

Friday came just in time. I had began to have doubts thanks to Craig and Ashley constantly trying to talk me out of going, Craig especially. I had hesitated about telling him but had finally given in, only to get an hour long lecture on the evil that is Jason Hogart. Jimmy wasn't much better either but I pushed away the constant warnings and packed my bags anyway.

I woke up early Friday morning, despite the fact Alex and Jay wouldn't be there until noon. I was a tiny bit nervous, so I unpacked and repacked my suitcase. Why? I have no idea. It wasn't like I'd never been away from home. I lived with Sean for over a year. So maybe I did have an idea about why I was nervous. Maybe there was something inside of me that was scared that when I came back from this little trip my mother would once again be passed out on the couch...a bottle of Vodka sitting beside her. I shook the thought out of my head as I lugged the bag downstairs and dropped it beside the front door.

I paced around nervously until I finally heard the loud bass that could only be Jay. I opened the door and lugged my bag to the car. As I got close to the car I could see Alex curled up in the backseat, sound asleep. Jay sluggishly climbed out of the car and popped the trunk.

"Hey," I said as I heaved my heavy bag into the trunk.

His response was more of a grunt and I could tell right away that he wasn't in a good mood. I knew the three hour trip ahead of us wasn't going to be anywhere near pleasant. I begrudgingly climbed into the passenger's seat and buckled my seatbelt. Jay slid in next to me and started the car. I had no idea how Alex could sleep with the loud beat of some old school rap mix that blasted from the speakers. I averted my attention to the window as Jay pulled out onto the street. It wasn't even thirty minutes into the trip and I was already second guessing my decision.

A short time later I had grown increasingly tired of the crap Jay was forcing me to listen to. Without thinking, I leaned over and turned the station to something a little more my speed and a little less ear busting. He shot me an evil look but I ignored it. Then he reached over and turned the radio back to its original channel. I figured two could play this game and I quickly turned it back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He screeched, changing the channel back again.

I changed it back before replying, "You have the lamest taste in music ever."

"My car, my music!" He spat as he turned it back.

"There is no way I can listen to that for the next two hours." I argued, hitting the button to change the channel again.

Alex sat up and reached between Jay and me hitting the button to turn the music off. "There! Now will you both shut up?" She asked before returning to her sleeping state.

I turned back towards Jay a smug smile on my face. He rolled his eyes before turning his attention back towards the road. The car was beyond silent. It made me regret packing my CD player in my suitcase instead of in my carry-a-long bag. I sighed as I watched the familiar scenery fly by.

"You're awfully quiet." Jay said, breaking the silence. "Are you sure there's nothing else you want to nag at me about?"

"Well now that you mention it...your driving kind of sucks too." I replied half jokingly.

He laughed, "Maybe you should have stayed at home."

"Maybe," I added. "But how could I pass up a summer with Degrassi's very own juvenile delinquent?"

"Aww Red! That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!" He teased and this time it was my turn to chuckle.

"I've got to piss." Alex grumbled as she sat up in the backseat.

"One pit stop coming up," Jay replied as he pulled off the highway and into the parking lot of a tiny, dilapidated gas station. "I'm going to fill up. I'll meet you guys inside."

I followed Alex into the store's tiny bathroom. It was filthy from floor to ceiling and smelled like it hadn't been cleaned in over a year. I chocked back a gag as I tried to talk myself into holding it for the next leg of the trip but I knew there was no way I can.

"I think somebody died in here." Alex stated as she pushed one of the stall doors open with the toe of her boots, "Or maybe something."

"Just don't sit down on the toilet seat. God only knows what you'll catch from that." I replied as I hovered over the crusty commode. Just being in there made me feel dirty.

I squealed as a cckroach crawled underneath the stall door. I quickly hopped over it and out of the stall. I looked at the sink with the dirty bar of Zest soap sitting in the soap dish. There was no way I was touching that. Alex must have had the same thoughts because when I turned toward the door she was already pushing it open. We picked up a couple of bags of chips and a couple bottles of pop before meeting Jay beside the car. 

"Okay...that place was gross. Even by my standards." he said, as we all climbed in to the car.

"Tell me about it." I replied, opening my bottle of Coke.

"Spill anything in my car and you're dead." Jay added, leveling his eyes on me as he spoke.

"Here," Alex said, handing Jay a Mountain Dew before reaching around him and grabbing a CD out of the visor. She popped it into the CD player and when the first song started I was extremely glad it wasn't that rap crap Jay had been listening to earlier.

A few miles up the road, a sign caught my attention, Wasaga Beach, 27 miles. Sean. The last time I'd seen him I'd been angry, angry that he hurt me, angry that he thought I'd still be waiting around for him. But now I found myself wondering if he was ever coming back.

"Cameron?" Jay asked, pulling my attention away from the sign.

I nodded, not sure how to explain what exactly was going through my head. "It doesn't feel like it's been over a year since he chose to stay."

Jay shrugged, "I don't think it was really a choice."

He was right. I didn't like to admit it, but staying in Wasaga had been what was best for Sean. It had been his way to deal with the shooting, with Rick's death, with his past. I had been angry not only at Sean for bailing on me but at myself for not being able to understand at the time that it was what he needed to do.

I was half asleep when the car stopped at our final destination. I opened my eyes to find myself starring at a two story off-white house. The paint was worn from the ocean breeze blowing sand against it, but it only added to the house's character. It was hard to believe I'd be spending the next two months living here.

We entered the house through the front door and found ourselves in a large, spacious living room complete with a big screen T.V. The living room opened into the kitchen and a game room. A set of stairs led upstairs, where three bedrooms waited to be claimed. Another bedroom was squeezed between the downstairs bathroom and the laundry room. The house was huge.

"Wow, Jay. Your dad went all out." Alex said, sticking her head into the game room. "There's a freaking pool table in here not to mention a fully stocked bar." 

"That's Richard Hogart for you. He never does anything small." Jay replied dryly.

I found myself wondering towards the sliding glass doors on the other side of the living room. The back porch was spacious with a hot tub on one side and a grill on the other. The back yard was nothing but sand with a few blades of grass sticking up here or there and a few feet away the beach stretched out to meet the ocean.

"Anyone else feel like we've just stepped into an episode of The Real World: Canada?" Alex asked jokingly, causing both Jay and I to bust out laughing.

"I claim the first floor bedroom. The two of you can duke it out over the three upstairs." Jay added as he disappeared into the downstairs bedroom.

Alex and I exchanged a glance before heading up the stairs to check out the other three rooms. They were all a nice size, not to big not too small. We each picked one out then headed back downstairs to get our bags.

"I say we hit the beach." Jay said from the couch, as Alex and I lugged our suitcases into the house.

"Would it kill you to help?" Alex asked in an annoyed tone.

"Possibly," Jay responded, making no attempt to help.

I rolled my eyes as I continued to lug my bag towards the stairs. Once I was finally shut into my room, I pulled out my new bathing suit that I'd been so lucky to find and put it on. I looked in the mirror and was a little self conscious about the amount of skin showing. The fishnet top hid the scars on my arms but it did little to cover my exposed stomach. I was pasty white but I figured the whole point of being at the beach was to change that. I pulled my hair up in a messy ponytail, grabbed my beach bag complete with my CD player, CDs, and sunscreen tnd headed back downstairs.

Jay let out a low whistle as his eyes spanned my body, "Wow Red. Who knew you were a babe?"

I rolled my eyes and did my best to ignore him. Alex joined us a few minutes later in a pair of jean shorts and a white tanktop. I pulled my sunglasses down from on top of my head and followed Jay and Alex the short distance to the beach.

It was crowded with little kids building sandcastles, couples chasing each other around or walking along the edge of the water holding hands. It made me think of Craig but I quickly shook the thought away. We found a spot on the sand and sat down. My attention was on the water crashing into the shore. I'd never set foot in the ocean before. It had been too cold when we had taken Sean to Wasaga.

"I'm going to the water. Are you guys coming?" I asked glancing from Jay to Alex then back.

Alex shook her head no as she pulled out her cell phone and began to key a text message. But Jay stood up and followed me towards the water. Neither of us spoke until the first wave rushed over our feet. 

"Makes me think of Sean," Jay said as we worked our way a little further into the water.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye as he spoke what I'd been thinking. I smiled lightly as I took some water and splashed it at him, "Don't bring me down, Hogart. I plan on enjoying the beach this time."

"Oh Red...don't start something you can't finish." Jay laughed as he splashed water back at me.

"You mean this?" I asked flipping more water at him.

"That's it," He replied gently grabbing my arm and pulling me closer to him as he continued to splash.

The water fight went on for a few more seconds until we were both laughing so hard we couldn't see where we were throwing the water anymore. I couldn't believe I was actually having fun with Jay, but it was refreshing not to have to worry about a jealous girlfriend or if he was going to read more into it than friendship.

I made my way back to the spot where Alex was half asleep while Jay flirted with some bikini clad blonde. I laid down on the towel beside Alex and pulled out my CD player. Craig's latest demo started up as I laid on my back and stared up at the bright blue sky. I took a deep breath of the salty ocean air and was glad I decided to get away from Toronto.


	3. Chapter 3

The sound of Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved" woke me up at two in the morning. I groaned as I rolled over and grabbed my cell phone before it could wake anyone else up. The ring was specific to one person. Craig Manning. 

"Hello," I said, still half asleep.

"Ellie," Craig yelled in to the phone, causing me to jerk it away from my ear. 

"Craig, are you drunk?" I asked, annoyed and worried. 

"No," He giggled into the phone. "Okay maybe just a little. I miss you El. When are you going to come and see me?" 

"We've already had this discussion. I told you I'm not coming to Vancouver." I answered.

Craig sighed on the other end of the line before he replied, "Well then I guess I'll have to come home and see you."

"Except I'm not at home, remember? I'm at the beach with Alex and Jay." I explained. I felt like I was talking to a toddler. I wasn't liking this side of Craig very much.

"Oh yeah, the beach, I forgot. Then I'll come there and see you." He continued.

"Yeah, I don't think that's a great idea." I replied.

"Why not," He whined. His words slurred slightly in his drunken state. "Alex likes me she won't care."

I rolled my eyes. This conversation was going nowhere and I was too tired to keep arguing, "No, but Jay might have a problem with it."

There was silence for a few seconds before Craig finally spoke, "So? Since when do you care what Jay thinks?"

"Since it's his house and he was nice enough to let me tag along. Look, Craig its two o'clock in the morning. I'm tired and you're drunk. Why don't we both get some sleep and we can talk tomorrow?" I suggested, hoping once he slept off the alcohol he wouldn't be so hard to talk to.

"Whatever. Bye, El," was the only response I got before the dial tone was ringing in my ear.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in an attempt to stop the headache that was beginning to form. I couldn't help but wonder if rock stardom had gone to Craig's head. Why would he call me while he was drunk? Like dealing with an alcoholic mother wasn't bad enough.

The next time I woke up it was a little more pleasant. The smell of bacon wafted up the stairs and right in to my bedroom. It reminded me of a time when life was a lot simpler, when my Dad was around and my mom wasn't tipping the bottle. It reminded me of Saturday morning breakfast with the whole family.

I smiled my eyes still shut as I pictured a happy family moment that had long ago been replaced by the smell of vomit and Vodka. I threw the covers off and made my way downstairs. I stopped on the bottom step to watch the scene in front of me. Jay and Alex in the kitchen fixing breakfast, for a moment I thought I was still dreaming. Then Jay spotted me and smiled, "Morning, El. I hope you're hungry."

"Starving," I replied as I continued my way towards the kitchen. I sat down in one of the bar stools before jokingly asking, "Is it safe to eat?" 

"Funny," Alex replied sarcastically as she sat a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of me.

"Whatever you do, don't call her Betty Crocker." Jay offered in a low voice.

"I heard that." Alex shot back.

I laughed at the utter absurdity of the situation before taking a small bit. It was delicious, which shouldn't have shocked me so much. Alex and Jay were like me, they'd had to grow up and take care of theirselves way before they should have. We'd all learned at a young age that if we were hungry we'd have to feed ourselves or starve.

"This is great." I offered.

"Jay did most of it. I just didn't burn the toast." Alex explained.

"Who knew Jay could cook?" I teased, offering Jay a friendly smile.

"Very few. Let's keep it that way." Jay replied as he shoveled a fork full of eggs into his mouth.

I laughed as I took a bite of the bacon. It was crispy just like I liked it. I couldn't help but think how strange it was that I hadn't realized how much in common I had with Jay and Alex.

"So El, Marco tells me you passed up the opportunity to be Manning's groupie. What's up with that?" Alex asked from where she was perched on top the counter.

"I don't particularly care for his other groupies." I answered. "A week with Emma and Manny is right up there with a root canal." 

"Aw, El, they can't help they're annoyingly perfect." Alex replied laughing.

"Annoying, yes, perfect, I'm not so sure about that." I answered. "Did you see the Degrassi Girl's Gone Wild video?"

"What?" Jay asked, perking to attention at the thought of Girl's Gone Wild. "How did I not know about this?"

"Because you don't go to Degrassi anymore, moron," Alex replied, tossing her balled up napkin at him.

"It was a school wide email of Manny flashing a camera." I explained. 

"Why do I always miss the good crap?" Jay said under his breath.

"Perv," I teased.

"I taken it Craig was your two o'clock phone call?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, sorry about that," I apologized.

Alex simply shrugged her shoulders, "No big deal. I'm used to late night phone calls." 

"He was drunk." I explained.

"Those are the best ones." Alex added, shooting Jay a deathly glare.

I chuckled but nodded in agreement, "So what are the plans for today?"

"I thought we'd hit the boardwalk." Jay offered as he sat his empty plate in the sink. "Unless you two can think of a better suggestion."

"Sounds fine to me," I answered, taking the last bite of my breakfast.

"Great. I'm going to go get a shower." Jay added, before heading towards his domain.

I rinsed off the dirty dishes before placing them in the dishwasher while Alex finished her food. When she was done she scooted off the counter and said, "You know if you want to spend some time with Craig you should invite him to visit."

"Yeah, I don't think that's a great idea. He doesn't exactly like Jay and Jay doesn't exactly like him." I explained.

"Jay's trying not to be such a jerk. Why don't you just ask him?" Alex suggested. "I'm going to go get a shower too."

I finished loading the dishwasher as I thought about what Alex had said. Sure, I wanted to see Craig more than just about anything, but did I really want the stress of wanting him but not being able to have him?

With the dishwasher started, I headed towards the stairs but made a little turn and ended up outside of Jay's bedroom door. I turned the door knob and walked in without knocking. Big mistake, Jay was standing by the bed wearing only a towel. 

"Sorry!" I said turning around quickly so that my back was to him. I could feel my face turning bright red in embarrassment. 

"About what?" Jay asked from behind me. I could almost hear the smirk in his voice.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to get rid of the image of him, half naked, dripping wet from just stepping out of the shower. "For not knocking, I'm…I'm just going to go." I said turning around and rushing up the stairs.

I shut and locked myself safely in my own bedroom. The image still burned into my brain. I cringed as I thought about how good he looked. I was definitely losing my mind. I shook all thoughts of Jay from my head as I grabbed my clothes and headed into the bathroom. 

Back downstairs I avoided Jay's eyes at all cost as we waited for Alex. I had never been so relieved when she finally joined us and we all made our way towards the car. I volunteered for the backseat so I wouldn't have to be close to Jay but then I made the mistake of meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror. That c0cky smile flashed acrossed his face making my chicks turn red again. I silently cursed him as I turned my attention out the window.

"So did you ask him?" Alex asked as me walked down the boardwalk a short distance behind Jay.

"No," I replied tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I kind of got distracted."

She looked at me questioningly. When I didn't offer an explanations she asked, "Distracted?"

I shook my head yes, "I kind of walked in on Jay in a towel." Alex snickered and I playfully shoved her, "It's not funny! It was embarrassing!"

"Why? It's not like he was naked. Do you have a thing for Jay?" Alex asked.

I hoped she was joking but I didn't think she was, "Don't be disgusting."

"You're the one avoiding asking Jay if Craig can come for a week and obsessing over walking in on him in a towel." Alex added.

I rolled my eyes. Alex was completely crazy. There was no chance in hell I'd ever have a thing for Jay. He was a class one jerk ninety percent of the time and the other ten percent he was sarcastic and annoying. Just because he looked good in a towel didn't mean I was going to fall head over heels in love with him. I was in love with Craig.

After a lunch of hot dogs and boardwalk fries, we wondered into a little vintage record store. It was dark and rustic and just my style. Jay flirted with the girl behind the counter, blonde with black highlights, green eyes surrounded by dark eyeliner, anyone could tell she wasn't interested but it didn't stop Jay from trying. Alex and I browsed the selection laughing as the poor girl continued to shoot Jay down. My eyes caught a sign by the register. Help Wanted. 

"Hey Alex didn't you say you wanted to get a job while you were here?" I asked pointing to the sign. "This place would be perfect for you. Besides, that girl looks like she could use a little help."

Alex laughed as we made our way over toward Jay and the girl he was annoying. A look of relief crossed her face as she saw us, "Hi, can I help you?" She asked with a giant smile.

I looked at Jay and rolled my eyes as Alex explained that she was interested in filling out an application. The girl's face lit up and it hit me why she wasn't the least bit interested in Jay. I smiled as I realized the girl was checking out Alex. 

"What?" Jay asked in a low voice.

"Nothing," I replied, before ducking out of the store.

"What?" Jay asked again, following me out into the bright sun.

"I just don't think you were that girl's type." I answered.

Jay looked confused as he asked, "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"It means I think she's a little more into your ex girlfriend then she's into you." I explained watching Alex and the record store girl flirt through the window.

"Figures," Jay muttered under his breath.

"Don't worry, Jay. I'm sure there's a nice bimbo around here somewhere willing to let you woo her." I joked.

"Funny Red. Real funny." Jay replied, kicking a rock as he headed to a bench a few feet away.

I watched as he slumped down on the bench. He flipped his sunglasses down over his eyes and turned his head away from me. I felt a little twinge of guilt as I made my way towards him.

"I was just joking," I explained, sitting down beside him.

"Whatever." He replied with a sigh.

We sat quietly for a few minutes. I didn't understand him and I was pretty sure I never would. He was complicated. He hid behind his biting sarcasm the same way I did. I felt bad that whatever I had said had offended him.

"Sorry," I said in a low voice, breaking the silence.

He nodded and I figured that was his way of accepting it. We waited for Alex to finish flirting or interviewing or whatever it was she was doing. I watched the people walking by. I'd always been a people watcher despite the fact I could rarely read them. I found myself wondering what their lives were like. Did they have the same kind of problems as I did or were there lives problem free?

I was completely lost in thought when Jay suddenly stood up and started heading back towards the car. I looked over at the store and saw Alex coming towards me, her attention on Jay.

"What's his problem?" She asked, shoving her hands in to her pockets.

"I think I ticked him off." I replied. "Did you get the job?"

"Yeah," She said as we started to follow Jay.

"And the girl," I probed.

"What about her?" Alex asked illusively.

"Oh, come on Alex. She was checking you out and the two of you were flirting." I added.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Alex answered but the little smile turning up the corners of her mouth gave her away.

I smiled as my eyes traveled up the boardwalk to where Jay was walking alone. He still had feelings for Alex even if he didn't want to admit it. I'd been in his shoes back when I was in love with Marco. It wasn't a fun place to be.


	4. Chapter 4

Jay disappeared shortly after we got home and Alex decided she was going to take a nap. I sat alone in the living room for a while flipping through the channels on the big screen television. I thought about calling Craig but figured he was probably nursing one heck of a hang over and we'd probably just end up fighting.

I sighed before heading out the back door and down to the beach. I spotted Jay playing volleyball with a group of people about our age. I sat down a safe distance away and watched the group play. It was kind of like deja vu from a few years ago. Only Marco and the gang were nowhere in sight.

I silently cheered as Jay scored a point. He never seemed like a team player but he looked like he was having fun. I stood up and brushed the sand off my legs before walking closer.

"Got room for one more?" I asked to no one in particular but my eyes were on Jay. 

Jay arched his eyebrows at me inquisitively as a short dark haired girl on Jay's side of the net answered, "Sure you can take my spot. I could use a break."

"Thanks," I replied taking her spot beside Jay who was still looking at me in confusion. I focused my attention on the net in front of me as the ball came soaring over it. We lost by one point but the game had been a lot of fun.

"Well aren't you just full of surprises?" Jay said, flopping down on the sand beside me.

I shrugged, "I guess I learned something in gym class after all and here I thought it was pointless."

"There's a tiny little restaurant about half a mile up the beach. You thirsty?" Jay asked.

I shook my head yes as Jay stood and held out his hand to help me up. I accepted, letting him pull me up off the sand. We walked the short distance to the restaurant. It looked like a worn down shack on the outside but the inside was warm and friendly. Pinball machines lined one wall. There were tables spread out across the floor and a bar ran along another wall. We sat down and scanned the menu as we waited. 

"I'm glad you're not still mad about earlier." I started after we'd ordered. "I didn't realize you still cared about Alex that way."

"What are you talking about? Alex and I are just friends." Jay replied, concentrating a little too hard on the pin ball machine near our table.

"Jay, I'm not stupid. Besides, I saw the tattoo this morning." I replied, mentally kicking myself for bringing up the fact I'd seen him half naked.

"Right. When you walked in on me. Hoping to see a little more?" Jay replied with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes. I should have known he would use my embarrassment to change the subject. "You wish." I replied, breaking the uneasy tension.

We both laughed, but then we were interrupted by a waitress coming to take our order. She was Jay's type: tall, skinny, and blonde. He flashed her his killer smile and suddenly I turned invisible. I watched them as they flirted back and forth making me want to hurl. 

I cleared my throat interrupting their little bonding session. Then I found my inner Paige and said, "Honeybee, if you're done flirting could we please order? You know I don't like leaving the twins with your mother for too long."

The look on Jay's face was priceless and it took everything I had not to bust out laughing. His jaw literally dropped and his eyes were the size of saucers. The look on the waitress's face was funny too. Her checks were bright red and the flirtatious smile was long gone. It was perfect.

"The twins?" Jay asked once the blonde was gone with our order.

I could tell he found it somewhat amusing. Maybe not entirely but at least he wasn't angry. I shrugged innocently then with a smile added, "What? I was hungry!" 

"You know, Nash? You're something else." Jay replied with a genuine smile. "I'm mildly glad you came."

"Even though I blew your chances with Blondie?" I asked, nodding towards the waitress who was avoiding eye contact with our table at all cost. 

"That's why I said mildly." He joked. We both busted out laughing.

"I'm more than mildly glad I came. I'm having fun which is weird because the only other time I've had this much fun was last summer with Craig." I explained.

A different waitress brought our drinks out and sat them on the table. I couldn't help but chuckle a little. If only I had the power to drive Manny away like I had the waitress, I would be able to have Craig all to myself.

"You know, El...if you want Craig to come visit, its okay. Just keep him out of my face." Jay offered. 

"Thanks." I replied, "That's actually what I was going to talk to you about this morning."

The c0cky smile found its way back to his face, "I figured. But hey...you got a free show so it wasn't a completely wasted trip."

"You're a pig." I said, tossing my straw wrapper at him.

He swatted the paper away before adding, "Yeah, well I've been called worse."

Back at the house I decided to give Craig a call. I sat on the back porch with my cell phone and dialed his number. 

"Yeah?" He answered on the third ring.

I could tell from the sound of his voice he was still torn up from the night before. He didn't seem to be in a very good mood but I figured it was too late to hang up now. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Like crap." He answered before the line went silent.

I waited a few seconds for him to continue but when he didn't, "Craig, are you still there?"

"Yeah," He bit back a little edge to his voice.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance as the anger started to build up inside me, "Why don't you just call me back when you're not such a jerk. I don't know maybe two o'clock in the morning when you're hammered and spouting out bull about missing me."

I hung up before he could reply and turned my phone off. At that moment I was just plain tired of trying with him. I'd grown accustomed to life never being fair but I'd be damned if I was going to let Craig Manning treat me like crap because he was hung over. I could feel the tension building in my neck as I stewed in my anger. The hot tub caught my attention. I stood up and went inside to change.

Jay and Alex were in the game room when I came back down. I poked my head inside, "I'm getting in the hot tub. Anyone want to join me?"

Alex shook her head no and held up a bottle of something or another that she'd found in the fully stocked bar. "Great," I thought, "More drunks."

"You want something, Red?" Jay asked from his position behind the bar. 

I shook my head no as I turned my back on them and headed outside. I honestly didn't get it. Why would someone want to make themselves sick by downing a bottle of bad tasting liquor?

I turned the hot tub on and climbed in. The hot water washed over my tense muscles as I began to relax. I scooted down farther letting the bubbles float around my head. I cleared my mind of all things that even remotely reminded me of Craig. I dubbed the hot tub a Craig free zone as the knot in my shoulders began to dissolve. It was a great mix of cool ocean air and hot bubbling water. I could have stayed in that exact spot for the rest of my life.

"Feeling good, Red?" Jay asked about an hour later as he came walking outside in his swim trunks.

"Unbelievably good." I replied. "Where's Alex?"

"Safely tucked in bed," He answered stepping into the hot tub and sitting down across from me. "As hard as it is to believe, occasionally I can be a good guy."

I smiled at his remark, "As strange as it is for me to say, it's not that hard to believe."

"Awe, are we having a bonding moment?" Jay teased in his normal sarcastic way.

I shook my head in disbelief, "And then you open your mouth and suddenly it's a little harder to believe."

He laughed and it was a nice sound. There was no tension between the two of us. We weren't trying to hide anything from each other. It was relaxing. I wondered if he felt even remotely the same way.

"I take it your conversation with Manning didn't go so well." Jay stated.

I shook my head no before replying, "And this hot tub is a Craig free zone so let's change the subject."

"Okay," He said. "Then it's an Alex free zone too so let's not go down that road again either."

"Deal," I agreed.

We sat quietly for a little while each of us trying to think of something to say. His tattoo caught my attention and I finally broke the silence by asking, "Did that hurt?"

He shook his head no but answered, "A little."

"I've been thinking about getting one. A little butterfly or fairy or something, I don't know." I added.

"Afraid of needles?" He asked.

"No. I'm just not sure I want something that permanent, you know? Llike I'm not sure if I'll want it when I'm old." I answered. 

"You can always have it removed." Jay offered. "It's a little pricy but worth it if you change your mind after it's too late."

"Are you thinking about getting it removed?" I asked, locking my eyes on his.

He shrugged, "It's funny. I never planned for any of this to happen. Alex, the shooting, Sean leaving... it just kind of sucks."

I nodded in agreement, "Plans never turn out the way you want them to. I didn't exactly plan on falling for my best friend's ex boyfriend last summer. I didn't exactly plan on him getting back with his ex girlfriend, and I never planned on spending my summer at the beach with you and Alex. Sometimes change isn't so bad."

"Yeah, well I've never been too familiar with the good kind of change." Jay added. "I think I'm going to go hit the town. You want to come?"

I thought about it for a second but shook my head no, "I think I'm going to just hang out here. Have fun, though."

"Your loss," He replied as he climbed out of the hot tub and headed back inside.

I leaned my head back against the edge of the hot tub as I looked up towards the sky. The stars were shining bright. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen a blanket of stars like that. It was almost magical if you believed in that kind of thing. I still couldn't shake the dreamlike feel to the whole situation. Ellie Nash relaxing in a hot tub at the beach, sharing a house with Jay and Alex...it was surreal.


	5. Chapter 5

"Where's Alex?" I asked with a yawn as I made my way downstairs.

"That chick from the record store called said that if Alex wanted the job she could start today. She left about an hour ago." Jay answered, taking a spoonful of cereal from the bowl in his hands. He was sitting in front of the big screen watching some movie with Adam Sandler. I sat down next to him tucking my legs up under me when he added, "Looks like it's just you and me, Red."

"Joy," I teased, bumping his shoulder playfully.

We watched the movie quietly, laughing at the funny parts. When the movie switched to commercial I asked, "What did you end up doing last night?" 

"I went to a little bar a few blocks away. I shot some pool, had a few drinks, nothing too exciting." He answered

"You could have done all of that here." I replied in confusion, "For free."

"True, but this house doesn't have sexy little drunk chicks in short skirts and tube tops." Jay answered with his usual smirk.

"Hey!" I yelled hitting Jay gently upside the head with one of the couch pillows.

"No offense, Red. You're cute and all but your whole obsession with Manning is a little bit of a turn off." Jay said between laughter as he grabbed the pillow and threw it across the room.

"I'm not obsessed with Craig." I replied defensively, pouting slightly as I turned my attention to the Mr. Clean commercial.

Jay snickered, "Right, and I'm a straight A honor student."

I rolled my eyes as the movie came back on but my attention was already drifting towards Vancouver. Craig. Maybe I was slightly obsessed, but he'd been a huge part of my life for over a year and yet in the last few days it felt like I had no idea who he was anymore.

"Earth to Ellie," Jay said, drawing my attention back to the present. "Where did you go, space cadet?"

"What? Nothing. Nowhere." I replied, shaking the fog from my head.

"Okay! Then back to my question. What do you want to do today?" He asked, a look of confusion or maybe concern on his face.

"Something fun. Something I've never done before." I answered.

"I think we can do that." He replied standing up. "Go get changed, I think I have the perfect thing in mind."

I watched as he started towards his room, calling out after him, "Are you going to tell me what it is?"

"Have a little faith, Red. Trust me." Jay called back before disappearing into his room.

Trust him? Was that a joke? I sighed but headed upstairs anyway. I would have been lying to myself if I said I wasn't curious. I was. Big time. I quickly changed and grabbed my beach bag before heading back downstairs to meet Jay.

"Jet Skis," I asked as Jay handed the guy behind the counter a credit card.

"Have you ever been on one before?" Jay asked, tossing me a life jacket.

"No," I answered, a little unsure of myself.

"Then it meets your criteria. Its fun and you've never done it before." He added putting on his own life vest. "Come on, Red! What are you afraid of?"

"Fine," I said, giving in. I put on the life vest and followed Jay and the ski guy out to the edge of the water.

I watched as Jay climbed onto the Jet Ski and listened as the guy gave instructions on how to work the thing. I was having second thoughts when Jay asked, "You coming or are you just going to stand on the beach and watch?"

"And let you have all the fun? I don't think so." I replied, mustering up what courage I could find as I climbed on the back of the Jet Ski and wrapped my arm around Jay's waist.

I squealed as the Jet Ski jerked forward. I tightened my grip around Jay's waist as the waves crashed into us spraying us with cool, salty, ocean water. The sprays were a welcome relief from the sweltering heat of the summer sun that was beating down on us. I could feel myself smiling and hear myself laughing as we raced through the water.

"You want to drive?" Jay asked, slowing the Jet Ski down and turning his head to look at me.

I shook my head no as we came to a stop a large distance from the shore. There was no way I was getting into the drivers seat.

"Come on, Red! Live a little." Jay added before diving into the water. 

"Jay!" I yelled waiting for him to come back up. I got a little nervous when he didn't. "Jay, stop! This isn't funny!" 

He came up on the opposite side of the Jet Ski and splashed water at me to get my attention. I was way beyond furious. My anger only grew as he slowly swam his way towards me, "Scoot up, you're driving."

I scooted forward as Jay pulled himself up on to the seat behind me. I twisted in my seat and hit him several times on the arm, "You a$$hole! Don't you ever do that to me again!" 

"Ouch, El, that kind of hurt," Jay replied shielding himself from my blows as he laughed.

"It's not funny, you jerk. I thought you were in trouble." I added, landing one last slap on the arm.

"Red, relax. I'm wearing a life jacket. It's not like I was going to drown." He explained. "Now pay attention."

Jay showed me how the thing worked then helped me steer for a while. Eventually I felt both of his hands on my waist and realized I was driving the Jet Ski all by myself. It was empowering. I felt free with the ocean breeze blowing my hair around and Jay's laughter tickling my ear. I'd never been behind the wheel of anything before. Even my own life felt like I was watching from the backseat as someone else steered me through life.

We headed back to the beach as our time ran out. We climbed off the Jet Ski and pulled it up into the sand. I was bubbling over with excitement. It was an amazing high having done something exhilarating, something I'd never done before. I threw my arms around Jay's neck in a friendly hug, "Thank you."

It must have shocked Jay because he didn't respond right away. It was only after a couple of seconds that his arms went around me and he replied, "You're welcome."

We both took a step back and the space between us filled up with awkwardness. I quickly turned around realizing that just because a hug between me and Craig was completely normal what just happened between me and Jay was anything but. I unzipped my life vest before flopping down in the sand to catch my breath from the excitement.

"I take it you had fun?" Jay asked, sitting down next to me.

I nodded my head before looking at him, "That was awesome. I've never felt so in control."

"You've never driven before?" He asked. I shook my head no and he let out a low whistle before adding, "Wow, you have no idea what you're missing."

"Will you teach me?" I asked hopefully.

"Sure, but not today. I've got a hot date and I desperately need a shower. What do you say we head back to the house?" Jay replied.

"Okay," I added standing up and following Jay.

"Hey," Alex said coming into the house while I was vegged out on the couch.

"So, how was it?" I asked sitting up.

She shrugged her shoulders before flopping down beside me on the couch, "What did you guys do today? And where the hell is Jay?"

"Jay took me jet skiing and now he's hounding some poor girl out of her incredibly short skirt." I replied.

"You and Jay have been spending an awful lot of time together the last few days." Alex added, raising her eyebrows in curiosity.

"I know exactly two people here and you have a job. Who am I supposed to spend my time with?" I shot back.

"Okay, good point. I'm going to go crash." Alex replied. "See you in the morning, El."

"Night," I added as Alex stood up and made her way towards the stairs.

I was bored. I flipped through the channels about five times before flipping the big screen off. I grabbed my cell phone from my beach bag and went out back. I quickly dialed the familiar number and listened to it ring.

"Hey," Craig's voice said on the other end. It was less angry, back to his normal, friendly tone.

I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding and replied, "Hey."

"I'm sorry about yesterday, El. I just…I miss you." Craig said, causing a smile to lift my face.

I sighed into the phone, "I miss you too Craig."

"Then why don't you want me to come visit you?" He asked.

"It's not that I don't want you to come visit me, I do. It's just, you don't like Jay. Don't you think it'll be a little awkward staying in his house?" I tried explaining.

"El, this isn't about Jay, it's about us. I want to see you. If it means dealing with Jay that's something I'm willing to deal with. Come on, El." Craig coxed.

"Okay, but you have to try not to start crap with Jay. Promise," I asked giving in.

"I promise. Look you won't regret this. I've got a break in July so I guess I'll see you then." Craig responded, excitement in his voice.

"July, it is." I added. "Night, Craig." 

"Night, El." He replied before we both hung up.

I looked up at another star filled sky and said a tiny prayer that I hadn't just made a huge mistake. I wanted to see Craig but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was going to lead to a whole lot of drama.


	6. Chapter 6

There was something soothing about a thunderstorm, the rain beating down on the roof, a flash of lightening chasing away the darkness, a crack of thunder breaking the eerie silence. I'd always found it to be comforting knowing that once the storm was over, the world would come to life again.

I made my way downstairs with the book I'd brought from home. There was nothing like curling up on a comfy couch with a good book and a cup of coffee while you listened to it rain. Alex was rushing around the kitchen as I poured myself a cup of the coffee she'd already made.

"Work?" I asked.

She nodded reaching around me to pour herself a cup of coffee, "Jay's comatose so Brie said she'd pick me up. She should be here any minute."

"So when are we going to get to officially meet this Brie?" I asked, taking a sip of the steaming hot coffee.

"I don't know. She said something about taking all of us sailing but I didn't think you guys would be interested." Alex replied. "Are you interested?"

It was my turn to shrug. I'd never been sailing before but it sounded like fun, "Why not? It could be fun." 

"Well, I better go. I'll see you later, El." Alex added, tossing her cup into the sink and heading for the door. 

"Bye," I called after her before making my way to the couch.

I curled up and flipped to the dog-eared page I'd left off at. I started reading just as a crack of thunder shook the house. I was completely lost in the book when Jay stumbled out of his bedroom. He grunted a greeting, drawing my attention away from the paragraph I was in the middle of.

"Rough night?" I asked. He looked like death warmed over. His hair was all over the place and his eyes were sunken and blood shot.

He nodded as he went to pour himself a cup of coffee. Unfortunately I had the last cup sitting beside me. I held the cup out towards him and he stumbled his way towards it.

"Thanks," he mumbled after drinking it all down.

"Did you have fun?" I asked.

"I guess. I drank a little, shot a little pool, flirted with a couple of hot blondes nothing big." he answered.

I rolled my eyes. Jay had a one track mind for blondes in short skirts. Just as the thought flashed through my head, a blonde in an incredibly short sundress came strutting out of Jay's room. She had her bra in one hand and her shoes in the other. At that point I was at a complete loss for words.

Jay followed my eyes to where the girl was standing a sly smile on his face, "Ellie, this is Becky…" 

"It's Jessica," The girl corrected in irritation. 

"Right, sorry. Ellie this is Jessica, Jessica this is my roommate Ellie." Jay finished not even flinching at his mistake. 

"Hi," I said with a little wave. The situation was beyond awkward.

The blonde gave me a small smile before saying, "I need to get back to my hotel before my dad freaks. Give me a ride?" 

Jay sighed softly so that only I could hear but he stood up and made his way towards his room anyway. He was back a few seconds later with a t-shirt, his hat, and shoes.

"I'll be right back, Red." he called back to me as he headed out the door.

I chuckled as I realized I should probably get used to strange girls walking out of Jay's room. I felt a funny twinge deep inside. It was similar to the feelings I always got when I was forced to watch Craig and Manny make out. I shook the feeling away and mentally attributed it to the fact that everyone was finding love, or something close to it anyway, but me.

Jay returned a short time later with fresh coffee and donuts. He handed me a tall, steaming cup of coffee and explained, "I figured we could use some fuel since it looks like we're going to be stuck inside all day." 

I looked out the sliding glass door as the rain continued to fall before saying, "Thanks."

"I couldn't exactly let you starve now could I, Red?" he added, sitting the box of donuts down in front of me.

"Careful, Hogart. I may start thinking you're a good guy after all." I teased.

Jay chuckled, "As long as you keep it to yourself. I do have a reputation to protect." 

"Right you're the juvenile delinquent, the bad boy, the criminal." I relied sarcastically.

"Which would make you what, Goth girl, a vampire, the basket case?" he asked.

It was shocking to me that he'd caught my reference to The Breakfast Club, my all time favorite 80's movie. Somehow I just couldn't picture him watching a Brat Pack movie. Then again I guess a lot of people would have said the same thing about me. I couldn't help it. After my Saturday detention with Sean I just kind of related to the movie.

I shot him a questioning look before he added, "What? Bender was cool."

I laughed because it was a typical Jay remark, because the whole situation was getting more absurd by the day, because I was genuinely having a great time, and because I hadn't laughed...REALLY laughed...in a long time. It felt good to relax. It was rejuvenating.

"You up for a game of pool?" Jay asked once I finally stopped laughing.

"Um, actually...I'm really bad at pool. Ask Sean. The one time he took me to shoot pool I almost gave him a concussion with the white ball." I replied with a grimace as the memory of Sean jumping out of the way flashed through my head. "It was really embarrassing."

I could tell Jay was holding back his snicker as he replied, "Come on, Red, you can't be that bad. I'll teach you."

Jay stood up and started towards the game room and I reluctantly followed. He handed me one of the pool sticks and started to rack the balls. I watched bewildered as his hands moved quickly shuffling the plain and stripped balls into the right spots. I said a silent prayer that I wouldn't completely humiliate myself or break anything as he removed the triangle and started towards me.

"Okay, Red," He started as he placed the familiar white ball on the table in front of me. He put his arm around me showing me how to position the pool stick the right way and where to aim. The room grew increasingly warm with his close proximity. His breath caressed my cheek as he gave me instructions. With one quick movement the balls scattered sending several into different holes. "See that wasn't so hard? Looks like you're Solids."

I bit my lip as he helped me with the next shot but by the end of the game I was sinking the balls without any help. I thought back to when Sean had tried teaching me, he'd quickly lost his patience and his temper especially after the cue ball went flying towards his head. I couldn't help but wonder what he would think if he could see Jay and me now.

"That was fun," I said, after losing the second game. "But would it have killed you to have let me at least come close to winning?"

"You wanted me to throw the game?" he asked, fanning shock.

"Not the whole game." I replied with mock defensiveness.

He motioned to the table before adding, "If you want to go again I'll promise to let you win."

"Nah," I replied. "It's not as much fun if I know you're throwing the game."

He laughed as he reached for my pool stick and placed it up on the wall rack with his. I leaned against the pool table and juggled the cue ball. I avoided looking at him as I asked, "How come you cheated on Alex?"

He licked his lip nervously before answering, "I don't know...I guess I just kind of got tired of getting the brush off. There was always something more important, like her job, or her student council commitment, her family. I was just tired of coming in second, which I know isn't an excuse so please spare me the lecture."

"No lecture," I replied sitting the cue ball down on the table then turning to look at him. "It sucks coming in second."

"Like you'd know." He shot back defensively.

"I do." I added, trying to keep my voice from quivering. "I was always second to Emma when it came to Sean and I'm second to Manny when it comes to Craig. It sucks but what can you do?"

He simply shrugged and I realized I'd probably taken the conversation a little deeper then he was willing to go. I smiled before asking, "What now?"

"Sorry, Red. I'm fresh out of ideas." Jay replied. "Want to watch a movie or something? I make some killer popcorn."

"Oh yeah?" I asked in curiosity.

"Oh yeah. I'm killer at taking the bag out of the box and tossing it in the microwave." he replied with a little snicker.

"Cute, real cute," I replied, following him out of the game room.

"Are you hitting on me, Red?" He continued to tease.

"In your dreams," I added. 

"Every night," He replied in a way that left me wondering if he was just joking or if there was more to it then I wanted to believe.

We sat down on the couch with the bowl of popcorn between us and flipped through the channels looking for a movie both of us would like. He stopped flipping on the channel that was playing Final Destination and Final Destination 2. I'd seen the movies several times and had been dying to see the third one but had missed it while it was playing in the theaters. I grabbed a handful of popcorn and turned my attention to the television screen.

By the end of the second movie I had my legs stretched across Jay's and my head resting on his shoulder. He didn't seem to mind and I was completely comfortable. His hand was resting on my leg in a friendly way but I could feel the warmth of it spreading through my entire body. I picked up the pillow behind me and nailed him in the head with it.

"Hey! What the hell?" he sputtered trying to jerk it away from me. He finally gave up trying to grab the pillow and instead started tickling me.

"Stop!" I squealed trying to push him away as I laughed hysterically. I finally got away and rushed around the couch and out the sliding glass doors into the rain.

"Ellie!" he called after me stopping in the open doorway.

"What?" I asked, turning around to face him as the rain washed over me. "Afraid you're going to melt?"

"You are crazy," he replied.

"Come on, Jay. It's just rain." I said, holding out my hand for him to join me. When he shook his head no, I walked closer and grabbed the front of his shirt pulling him out into the rain. I looked up into his eyes and laughing said, "See? its just rain."

A moment passed between us that caused my stomach to do a flip flop. We stood there...the rain beating down on us, our eyes locked, mere inches apart. Something in the back of my head told me to kiss him but before I could tell it to shut up Jay flipped me over his shoulder and carried me back inside. 

He sat me back down on my feet once we were back inside and I gently pushed him away with the palm of my hand. He caught my wrist gently and pulled me close to him. I looked into his blue eyes in anticipation of whatever was about to happen. He parted his lips but instead of pressing them against mine he simply asked, "What are you trying to do to me, Red?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I answered, taking a step back. I took a deep breath of the air that rushed between us before adding, "I better go get changed."

"Yeah," he muttered as I headed up the stairs.

I shut the bedroom door behind me then leaned against it. I didn't understand why I had wanted him to kiss me so badly. I was in love with Craig, wasn't I? I couldn't possibly be having feelings for Jay, could I? I groaned as I pulled my damp shirt up over my head and headed towards the dresser for some dry clothes. I blamed it on the rain, on those romantic scenes in old movies where the couple passionately kisses in the rain. It was nothing more than a daydream playing itself out in my head. It wasn't real. Jay and I would never happen. Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew I was falling. I just hoped I could stay in denial long enough to figure out what to do about it.


	7. Chapter 7

Back downstairs I could hear Jay's shower running. I sat down on the couch and flipped through the television. I laughed as I flipped past a channel showing "The Breakfast Club" then quickly flipped back to it. 

"Our movie's on," I said as Jay walked out of his room. 

"Oh, yeah." He replied, drawing my attention away from the television.

He was cleaned up and fully dressed with tennis shoes and a hat. I looked at him in confusion, "Are you going out?"

"Yeah, don't wait up." He answered, ruffling my hair as he walked past me and out the door.

I was completely confused. Jay and I seemed to go from hot to cold in less than seconds. It was strange to want to kiss someone so badly one minute and the next to want to strangle them. Granted, Craig and I fought but this thing with Jay was different. I finally understood that old saying about there being a thin line between love and hate. 

"Hey," Alex said when she came in about an hour later. 

"Hey," I replied with a sigh as I turned the television off. I'd been aimlessly flipping through the channels since Jay had left.

She shot me a curious look before asking, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I replied, tossing the remote to the other end of the couch so I wouldn't be tempted to turn the television back on.

My cell phone began to ring beside me. I picked it up and read Craig's name on the caller ID. I really didn't feel like talking to him so I silenced it and sat it back down.

"Fighting with the rock star?" Alex asked, sitting down next to me on the couch and motioning towards the cell phone with the remote.

"No, it was the wrong number." I lied.

"Right," She mumbled before adding, "I'm going to bed and if you're still interested in going sailing Brie said she'd take us out. If you see Jay let him know."

"Okay, night." I replied, keeping my attention on the television so she wouldn't notice my cheeks turning pink.

"You know he could be out all night," Alex added, as if she were reading my thoughts. "I wouldn't bother waiting up for him if I were you." 

I looked up at her in denial before replying, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Just be careful, El, I don't want to see you get hurt." She said before taking the stairs two at a time and disappearing.

I was a little surprised when Jay came in a little later. "You're home awful early," I said keeping my attention on the television instead of looking at him.

"Yeah," He replied as he walked right past me and disappeared into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

I felt the urge to scream, to throw something at the wooden door standing between us. He was beyond aggravating. I stood up and grabbed my cell phone before making my way out the back door. I sat down on the back porch with every intention on calling Craig back, but it wasn't Craig's voice that answered. It was Marco's. 

"How's New York?" I asked in an unenthusiastic voice. 

"El, what's wrong?" Marco replied, his voice dripping with concern.

I took a breath of the salty ocean air before speaking, "I don't know, nothing, everything. I'm just….Ugggh." 

"Is it Craig?" Marco asked.

"No, it's Jay. He's driving me completely insane. One minute he's completely cool and the next he's the same old Jay, a complete jackass." I ranted into the phone only stopping long enough to breath. "It's infuriating."

"El, are you crushing on Jay?" Marco asked, a little edge in his voice.

I could picture the look of shock or confusion on Marco's face like I was looking right at him. He was my best friend and knew me better than I even knew myself. I couldn't lie to Marco even if I was trying to lie to myself.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, my voice sinking low in confusion.

The line was dead for a minute as Marco tried to find something encouraging to say, "Give it time. You never know. It could turn out to be something really great." 

"Right, like Sean turned out to be?" I replied sarcastically.

"It's not Sean's fault Rick brought a gun to school. It's not Sean's fault that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just because things didn't work out with Sean doesn't mean they can't with Jay." Marco added.

"Why are you being so supportive?" I asked. "You don't even like Jay."

"I want to see you happy and I don't think pining after Craig is going to get you there. I don't exactly think Jay's the guy for you but if you're happy…." he said, trailing off. 

"Thanks, Marco." I said, with a small smile on my face. 

"What are friends for?" He replied. before we both said our goodbyes and hung up.

Saturday rolled around and Brie took us sailing. The day started out great despite Jay's bad attitude. He finally agreed to go after Alex and I had begged and pleaded. Okay, maybe I had been the one begging and pleading but it was another new experience and for some strange reason I just wanted him to be there.

"You owe me, Red." He grumbled for the fifth time that morning.

I planned on having a good time despite his attitude and I planned on doing my best to make sure he did too. The shore had completely disappeared when I realized that wasn't going to happen. The waves picked up, rocking the boat and causing my stomach to flip and churn. I suddenly tasted the pancakes I'd had for breakfast over three hours earlier.

"Are you okay, Red?" Jay asked, sitting down beside me. "You're looking a little green."

"I'm fine." I started, but before I could continue I felt the burn at the back of my throat telling me those pancakes were about to come back out. I lurched for the side of the boat and threw up in the ocean.

I felt Jay's hand on my lower back as he yelled to Brie, "Turn the boat back."

"She'll be fine." Alex shot back.

I felt bad that I was ruining her big adventure with a girl she was obviously into, but I wasn't doing it on purpose and at that moment all I wanted was dry land and a nice comfy bed. I took a deep breath of ocean air trying to fight the urge to throw up again.

"Are you kidding me?" Jay asked, his voice rising in anger. "She just launched her entire breakfast into the ocean! You either turn this boat around now or I'll do it my damn self!"

I felt the boat turn and tried to muster up enough energy to smile but I couldn't. Another round of nausea ripped through me. Jay pulled the loose strands of my hair back so they weren't in the line of fire.

I could tell Jay was irritated when Alex decided to stay behind. He mumbled curses all the way to the car. By the time we got back to the house he'd calmed down, giving his full attention to me. He helped me inside and upstairs and even tucked me into bed. It seemed very out of character for him but I appreciated the gesture.

"Sorry." I said barely above a whisper. "You don't have to baby-sit me." 

"Don't worry about it." I heard him reply before I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up a couple of hours later to find Jay sitting on the floor beside the bed. His head was hanging down as he drifted in and out of sleep. It looked really uncomfortable and slightly comical.

"Jay," I said, reaching out and touching his shoulder slightly.

He looked over at me through half opened eyes and mumbled, "What?"

I scooted back and patted the empty bed beside me, "That can't be comfortable. If you insist on baby-sitting me why don't you lay down up here?"

He c0cked his eyebrow at me questioningly so I jokingly added, "If you can stand my puke breath."

He laughed as he climbed into bed beside me, "I take it you're feeling better?"

I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his chest, "I am now."

I felt him stiffen up slightly as he tried to figure out what was going on between us. After a few seconds his arm came down around me. I smiled into his tee shirt before adding, "Thank you."

"Just don't get use to it. This knight in shinning armor thing isn't my gig." He replied.

"That's too bad." I began, "Because you're getting pretty good at it."

I felt him place a small kiss on top of my head before he added, "Get some sleep, Red."

I drifted back to sleep feeling completely comfortable in Jay's arms. They felt warm and inviting and safe. There was absolutely no where else I wanted to be at that moment.


	8. Chapter 8

By the time July rolled around, Jay and I were just about inseparable. We called ourselves 'friends' but those awkward moments that told us it was something more were happening more often. I was getting pretty good at pushing Craig out of my mind. He was more excited about his visit than I was. 

Jay kept me busy. We were always doing something whether it was jet skiing, playing volleyball on the beach, or just hanging out at the house. There was never a dual moment. He'd taught me how to drive, talked me into surfing lessons, and had gone with me to get the tattoo I'd always wanted. With Jay every day had become an adventure.

The second week of July however, brought new obstacles for Jay and me. We came home from playing Pirate's Cove Put-Put to find a strange car parked in front of the house. Jay and I exchanged a curious glance before making our way into the house. 

Alex met us at the door fuming, "Where the hell have the two of you been?"

"Out. Whose car?" Jay asked, fanning disinterest as he tossed his keys on the coffee table and headed for the kitchen.

"The rock star's," Alex answered, leveling her eyes on me.

"He wasn't supposed to be here until next week!" I said in confusion. It was more to myself then to Alex. 

"Well he's early and he brought the groupies. They're on the beach. I'm going to crash at Brie's for a few days." Alex added.

"I'll drive you." Jay offered, his jaw clenched in annoyance at the news of Craig's arrival and Alex's abandonment.

I sighed as the front door opened and closed. I hesitated before making my way through the back door and down the sandy path to the beach.

"El," Craig cried out when he saw me. I offered a half smile as he rushed towards me and wrapped his arms around me in a friendly bear hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." I replied, realizing that I had missed him after all or at least I'd missed the guy he was a year ago. He'd changed just like I had and even though I still cared about him, it wasn't the same way I had at the end of senior year. It hit me the second I was in Craig's arms that I was no longer in love with him. 

I took a step back and spotted Manny and Emma sitting a short distance away. Manny stood up and joined Craig and me. She put her arm around Craig's waist protectively and with a challenging smile said, "Hey, Ellie. I hope you don't mind Em and I tagging along." 

"It's whatever, I guess, but try not to give Jay too much crap. It's his place and he's really not so bad." I said, looking directly at Craig.

"Best behavior, I promise." Craig replied with a smile.

I sat down in the sand near Emma while Manny and Craig went to splash around in the ocean. It reminded me of the movie "Grease," where Sandy and Danny are running around the beach. I laughed as I watched waiting for Craig or Manny to break out in song.

"The house is great." Emma said, pulling my attention away from the nauseating scene.

"Yeah, it is but I can't take credit. Jay's dad rented the place." I replied.

"I can't believe I let Manny talk me into coming here." She added with a little laugh. "Jay and I don't exactly get along."

I nodded, knowing what had happened between the two of them. But the Jay I'd been spending my summer with was nothing like the Jay that had cheated on Alex with Amy and Emma. I refused to blame him for a decision Emma herself had made.

"I know but that's not entirely his fault now is it?" I asked, causing her to fall silent and shift her eyes towards her friend and away from me. I felt guilty having hit such a sore spot, despite the fact that it's what I had intended to do. She'd been through a lot lately and with Sean and I over, there really wasn't a reason for me to dislike her. It wasn't like I had a thing for Jay, that I was jealous that not only had she been with Sean first, she'd been with Jay first too. I sighed before apologizing, "Sorry."

I headed back to the house a short time later. I knocked on Jay's bedroom door and walked in when he called out, "Yeah."

I flopped down on his bed and watched as he put on his deodorant and tee shirt before asking, "Going out?"

"Yeah. Bridget, the blonde from volleyball and I are going out to eat or something." He replied, avoiding my eyes.

"Oh," I said, trying to hide the disappointment from my voice.

He put his hat on his head before explaining, "I figured you'd be spending time with Manning. Anyway, I'm running late so I'll see you later."

I rolled my eyes as he turned his back to me and walked out of the bedroom. I silently cursed Jay, then Craig, then myself for getting into this mess in the first place. When I was done, I pulled myself together and headed back to the living room.

That night I found myself hanging out with Craig, Manny, and Emma. It wasn't exactly how I'd planned on spending my evening but it beat sitting at home by myself.

"I'm starving," Manny whined over dramatically. "Ellie, please tell me there's a good seafood restaurant around here?"

"The locals rave about a place called Tsunami. It's about two blocks up." I answered.

"We are so there." Manny added, linking her arms with Craig and Emma's and quickening their pace.

I followed a safe distance behind them, wondering where Jay was and if he was having fun. Call me purely evil but I was hoping he was having the same crappy time that I was. He'd stuck me with the prude and the drama queen. He definitely deserved to have a bad time.

There was a forty-five minute wait to be seated at Tsunami. Manny insisted any place with a forty-five minute waiting list was well worth it. I couldn't imagine any place good enough to wait around forty-five minutes but because Manny wanted to, we did.

"Are you stalking me?" A familiar voice asked from behind me.

I turned around to find myself face to face with Jay and Bridget. I offered up a small smile before my stomach flipped at the sight of them holding hands. I blamed it on being extremely hungry despite the fact I knew I wasn't.

"Ellie, right?" Bridget asked. 

"Yeah," I replied, forcing myself to look away from their joined hands.

"Manning, party of four?" The hostess called out. I'd never been so grateful for a distraction.

"Well that's me." I said. "I guess I'll see you later."

"I'm not waiting forty-five minutes." I heard Jay say as I followed Manny to the table. I couldn't help but smile until Craig opened his mouth.

"Why don't the two of you join us?" Craig offered, causing my jaw to literally drop.

Manny grabbed his arm and whispered in an irritated tone, "Why would you do that?" 

Craig looked at me for help but I just shot him an irritated look that matched Manny's tone. He looked back at Manny in confusion before explaining, "Ellie said to give him a break." 

"He is letting us stay at his house." Emma added, putting her normal two cents in.

So much for not exactly getting along with him, I thought as I rolled my eyes. I sat down in one of the empty chairs, praying Craig or Manny or Emma would sit down next to me but instead the took the three seats on the other side of the table, leaving me stuck next to Jay and Bridget.

"So do you all go to school together?" Bridget asked.

"Not since Ellie graduated and Jay got expelled." Manny replied.

I could see the look of confusion on Bridget's face as she made a mental note to ask about that later before continuing, "Oh, so you guys are all friends?"

Craig chocked on one of the dinner rolls a waiter had sat in front of him as Manny continued, "Hardly. My boyfriend and Ellie are friends. Last time I checked Jay didn't have any friends."

I could see the anger flash through Jay's eyes and I wasn't sure if I wanted to pat Manny on the back or slap her across the face. I knew I should probably step in but I was having too much fun watching. I saw Jay clench in jaw as he tried and failed to hold back his retort, "Maybe if I flashed my boobs to half the school I'd have more friends."

Manny's cheeks turned bright pink in embarrassment but quickly turned to red as her anger took over, "You're a jerk."

"And you're a …." Jay started.

I cut him off quickly before things could escalate anymore, "Well, this sure is fun."

The table grew silent but luckily we didn't have to sit that way long. Our waiter came over to take our orders, breaking up the silence.

"The chicken fingers with fries and barbeque sauce." Jay ordered. 

Manny snorted from across the table before snidely adding, "Who orders chicken at a seafood restaurant?"

I admit it, I had found her Jay bashing funny at first but it was growing more irritating by the second so I felt the need to step in. "Someone who doesn't like seafood." I replied in irritation then to the waiter added, "I'll have the same."

I knew Jay was smirking without even looking at him. It must have been contagious because I was fighting the urge to smirk too. Manny, however, wasn't finding it at all amusing. She was pouting on the other side of the table.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Manny answered her lips still pursed together in her little pout. She stood up and pushed her chair in before turning to Emma and asking, "Em, you coming?"

"I think I'll join you." Bridget added as Emma stood up.

"So much for that booty call," Jay said, once all three girls were out of sight. Then he turned to me and said, "I guess I owe you one."

"Let's call it even. After all, you held my hair while I puked." I replied with a little smile and a questioning look from Craig. I explained, "It's a long story."

"You kind of had to be there." Jay added with a chuckle.

The rest of dinner went fairly smoothly. As we all left the restaurant, Bridget made up something about needing to get home and by the smug smile on Manny's face I knew she had something to do with it. Jay offered to drive her but she refused and quickly left. I had to admit, I was glad the blonde was gone but I felt a little guilty about it.

"Why don't you hang out with us?" I suggested to Jay. Manny's smug smile quickly disappeared as she realized she was going to have to spend the rest of the evening with Jay now that his other plans had been canceled because of her.

"Thanks, Red." Jay said putting his arm around my shoulder then catching on added, "I think I will."

We continued up the boardwalk stopping in a few stores or to play a few games. Manny squealed in excitement when she saw a haunted house. She quickly pulled Craig and Emma into line.

"El, are you coming?" Craig called out, motioning for me to join them.

I looked up at Jay who shrugged but followed me anyway. We followed the glow in the dark arrows down a dark hallway laughing as Manny and Emma screamed with each fake Freddy or Jason that jumped out at them. As we passed a wicked witch figure it cackled and I couldn't help but think it sounded an awful lot like Manny.

"Remind you of anyone?" Jay asked, pointing at the figure then at Manny like he was reading my thoughts.

I laughed and playfully shoved him. I could feel Craig's curious glare but ignored it. I was having too much fun to stop and explain to Craig that I liked hanging out with Jay, that I liked Jay. That's when it hit me, in that pathetically un-scary haunted house I realized, I had fallen for Jay.

The spot on my lower back where his hand was guiding me began to grow warm. The warmth spread through my entire body leaving me with chills. I bit my lip as a shiver rippled its way down my spine. Jay looked down at me his eyebrows furrowed in what I assumed was worry. 

"Are you okay?" He asked in a low voice so that only I could hear.

I shook my head yes and offered him a reassuring smile before stepping closer to him. He moved his hand from my back and wrapped it around my shoulders. I returned the gesture by wrapping my arm around his waist as we continued down the hallway. 

By the time the hallways led us back outside Emma and Manny were clinging to each other in fear and Jay and I were laughing hysterically. It earned us a few evil glances from both of them but it only made us laugh harder.

"That was great." Jay chocked out between fits of laughter.

"Oooh, scary," I added before turning to Manny and asking, "Are you okay? Freddy didn't get you did he?"

Manny's reply was another evil glare before she turned to Craig and started pouting again. I rolled my eyes as Craig put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her and she shot me a satisfied smile.


	9. Chapter 9

I walked into the record store and spotted Alex sitting behind the counter reading a magazine. The store was completely empty and she looked fairly bored. She looked up and spotted me. She waved me over as she put her magazine away.

"Wow, you look busy." I said teasingly. "I could always come back later."

"Funny. I take it you took your smartass pill this morning?" she replied sarcastically. 

"Actually, I took two." I continued.

"Lucky me," she added. "What are you doing here? I figured you'd be attached to Jay's hip, I mean Craig's."

I rolled my eyes at her sly smirk, "I thought we could grab lunch. You know catch up. Since you've moved in with Brie we hardly see you anymore."

"I haven't moved in but lunch sounds great." Alex said, hopping down off her stool and heading around the counter, "Let's go."

She hung up the 'Be Back Soon' sign and locked up the store before we headed around the corner to a little burger stand. We ordered and sat down at one of the outside tables. 

"So tell me all about the fun I'm missing." she said, taking a bite of her burger.

"I wish I could but I'm sure you're having more fun then I am. You and Brie together?" I asked, changing the subject.

She shrugged before changing the subject back to the house, "I figured you'd be ecstatic to see Craig."

It was my turn to shrug, "I thought I'd be too, but with Manny and Emma…"

"And Jay," she added as I trailed off.

"And Jay," I replied, giving in. "Call me crazy but he's not so bad."

"You're not crazy. Granted he can be a complete jerk when he wants to be but he can be not so bad too." she offered. "Just…I don't know. Be careful I guess."

"Right. Once a cheater…."

She cut me off before I could finish, "You know, I wasn't exactly blameless. Things were going downhill between us anyway. It's not an excuse. It just is."

"So I should give him a chance?" I asked a little apprehensively.

"I'm saying you should give YOURSELF a chance." she replied. "Now, if we're done with the mushy love crap, there's a 'Crash the Beach' party tonight. Its a few blocks from the house. You know, kind of a big bonfire and campout on the beach. Brie said she could dig up some extra sleeping bags if you guys wanted to go."

"Sounds like fun. I'll check with Jay and the others." I said as I finished up my French fries.

"Yeah, just let me know." she added.

Brie and Alex dropped off two tents and five sleeping bags later on that afternoon. Everyone had agreed it would be fun to camp out under the stars while listening to the ocean crash against the rocks. Okay, Jay and Craig had thought it would be cool to get drunk on the beach and meet some new people, but basically everyone had agreed to go.

The party was mostly the locals. It wasn't an overly huge crowd. I was mid conversation with a couple of people I'd met on the beach during volleyball games or jet skiing adventures when Jay came up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear, "I need your help."

I turned around and looked at him like he'd gone completely crazy while fighting the tingles that were rushing through my body. He looked at something over my shoulder then kissed me. It wasn't a little peck on the check or a friendly kiss. it was full on makeout kiss and COMPLETELY threw me off guard. When he finally pulled away, I wasn't just speechless. I was breathless.

"You're a life saver, Red." he started. "Some chick has been following me around all night and it's starting to freak me out."

"Anytime," I replied, taking in a deep breath of the cool ocean air as I tried to clear my head. 

I must have shivered because Jay suddenly asked, "Are you cold?"

I wasn't really but because I still wasn't able to think completely clearly I shook my head yes. Jay slipped off his hoodie and held it out to me. I accepted just so I didn't have to explain and slipped it on. It was warm and smelled like Jay, making my head fog up again.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk." I said, finally finding my voice. I walked away before he could say anything else.

I was sitting a short distance away huddled deep into Jay's sweatshirt when Emma sat down next to me. "Hey Ellie," she said in a tiny voice.

"Hey," I replied, keeping my eyes on the waves crashing into the shore in front of us.

"I know it's none of my business, but is there something going on between you and Jay?" she asked, hugging her knees as if she expected me to explode on her.

I could feel a tiny bit of anger building up inside of me but I fought it off replying, "You're right. It's none of your business."

She sat quietly a minute before she continued, "It's just...I know what it's like to miss Sean. I know what it's like to use Jay to feel close to him. I don't want to see you get hurt, Ellie." 

The anger was getting harder to fight as I replied, "Since when? You didn't seem to care about my feelings when I was with Sean, every time you'd come around batting your eyelashes! You didn't seem too concerned about my feelings when you decided he needed to face his past, when you didn't try to stop him from staying behind!"

"Ellie…" Emma started.

I cut her off, "Don't, okay? I know he had to stay behind, I know it's what was the best for him. It doesn't mean I have to like it. And as far as Jay is concerned, he's NOT Sean, I know that. Did you ever stop to think that maybe that's exactly why I like him?"

I stood up and headed back to the party fuming in anger. Who the hell was Emma Nelson to stick her nose in my business? If I wanted to fall for Jay, who was she to warn me away?

"Hey," Jay said, catching my arm as I was about to storm right by him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I said a little more forcefully then I'd meant to as I jerked my arm out of his hand. 

"What the hell did I do now?" he asked, throwing up his hands before heading off down the beach away from me.

"Crap," I muttered before rushing to catch up to him. When I had I quickly apologized, "Sorry, I didn't mean that back there. It's just…I'm so tired of people trying to tell me what's best for me when they have absolutely no idea and Miss High and Mighty Nelson has no idea."

I heard him snort a little like he knew exactly what I was talking about but he didn't speak. He sat down in the sand looking out into the ocean before sighing. He finally looked up at me and asked, "What do you want from me, Ellie?"

I was a little taken aback by the question. I sat down next to him close enough to feel the warmth from his body. I hugged my knees close kind of the way Emma had earlier.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "All I know is that I like being around you, spending time with you. I don't know where this is going to lead but I think it could be a good place, you know? For both of us." 

"I hope you're right." he added, his voice below normal.

I wrapped my arms around his and laid my head on his shoulder. We sat there for what felt like hours just watching the ocean roll. I could hear the party in the background but had tuned it out in favor of the waves and the sound of Jay's breathing. If you'd have asked me I would have said we'd already found a better place.

The breeze began to pick up causing a chill to settle over the beach. Everyone at the party was huddled around the bonfire in an attempt to stay warm. I closed my eyes as Jay moved beside me. I wasn't ready to head back but I knew we were about to.

"We should go," he said. "We'll never find that better place if we freeze to death."

I smiled despite the fact I really didn't want to as he stood up and held his hand out to help me up. I accepted, letting him pull me up off the cool sand before he wrapped his arm around my and led me back to the party.

I ignored the concerned glare Craig shot my way when Jay and I rejoined the group. Jay had wrapped his arms around me to warm me up and by the look on Craig's face he wasn't too happy about it. I could feel Manny and Emma's eyes on me as well, one in confusion and one in concern. I ignored them too as I snuggled into Jay's arms.

I woke up the next morning with a smile as I snuggled closer to Jay in the tent. It had been purely platonic. We'd both be too exhausted to do anything more than sleep, but it had felt natural lying next to Jay with his arms around me. I wasn't sure how'd I'd ever slept without him but I knew I never wanted to sleep without him again. 

"Rise and shine!" Alex called out as she unzipped the tent, letting the bright sun shine right in our faces.

Jay growled as he rolled over and covered his head with the sleeping bag. It made me laugh as I made my way out of the tent, zipping it back up so the sun wasn't blinding him. I stretched, taking in a deep breath of the brand new morning air.

"Okay, without the gory details...what happened?" Alex asked as we started to walk off down the beach.

"There are no gory details because nothing happened." I replied honestly.

"Right, that kiss was just a figment of my imagination." she added sarcastically.

"You saw that?" I asked. I could feel my cheeks blush at the memory. 

"The whole beach saw that." she teased.

"I wish I could tell you it was the start of everything I've wanted since our second week here but he was trying to get rid of some stalker chick that had been following him around all night." I explained with a little laugh. "Not exactly a dream come true."

"Did you see this stalker chick?" she asked, arching her eyebrows inquisitively.

"No, but…" I started.

"But nothing. Besides, who cares? If you like him, go for it. You've already got his ex-girlfriend's approval." she continued.

I smiled and rolled my eyes, "I guess we should get back and help get the beach cleaned up."

We headed back to the party where Jay had finally crawled out of the tent. He smiled and said, "Morning," before pulling me into a hug and kissing the top of my head.

"Good morning," I replied, hugging him back.

"A little help?" Alex called to us as she started taking down one of the tents. We both laughed as we went to help her.


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm soooo bored." Manny whined as we all sat gathered around the living room. The chill that had driven Jay and me back to the bonfire last night had stuck around, leaving us all inside trying to stay warm.

"We could play a game or something?" Emma suggested from her spot stretched out on the floor.

"Great idea, Greenpeace. Anyone up for a game of strip poker?" Jay asked with a sly smile. It earned him a dirty look from Manny and an elbow in the ribs from me. "Ouch! it was just a suggestion."

"You're disgusting." Manny snapped.

"You're the one that said you were bored." he replied with a snicker.

"I'm going to get a drink, anyone want anything?" I asked, standing up and stepping over Jay's legs that were propped up on the coffee table. 

I returned to the living room, ice tea in hand, to find that Craig was the only one left. Manny, Emma, and Jay were no where in sight.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, walking further into the room.

"Jay's out back, Emma's out front, and Manny went upstairs to get a shower. I thought maybe we could talk." Craig explained.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. "Vancouver?"

"No, actually I thought we could talk about you and this thing you've got going on with Jay. Ellie I'm worried about you." Craig said, standing up and stepping closer to me.

"And all of a sudden everyone's worried about me. I'm eighteen years old, Craig. I can take care of myself." I replied, trying to keep my tone even as I sat the untouched glass down on the end table.

"But, Ellie, It's Jay. You don't think he'll cheat on you just like he did with Alex?" Craig asked defensively.

"So, you cheating on Ashley means you're guaranteed to cheat on Manny? Craig, people change. Maybe you should give Jay a break. The two of you aren't so different." I added.

"That's not fair!" Craig shot back.

"No, you pulling this jealousy crap now isn't fair. You made your choice, Craig. You chose Manny so who I decide to spend my time with isn't any of your business." I shouted, as my temper began to rise.

"El..." he started.

I quickly cut him off holding my hand up and saying, "No! You know what? I need some air."

Then I quickly made my way out the front door. I breathed a sigh of relief when Emma was nowhere to be found and then I heard voices drifting around from the back of the house. I'd like to say that generally I don't eavesdrop, but when I recognized Jay and Emma's voices I had one of three choices: Stay there and listen, go back into the house, or interrupt. So I stayed there and listened.

"Hey," Emma said as she leaned back against the sliding glass door.

"Hey," Jay replied.

"I'm sorry that we crashed your summer. Craig forgot to mention this was your place." she explained.

"No big deal," Jay said with a shrug of his shoulder.

I heard Emma sigh before she continued, "I'm also sorry about everything that's happened, you know, with the Ravine and everything."

I heard Jay snort and I could see him rolling his eyes in my head, "Why are you sorry? I mean I'm the jerk who took advantage of your vulnerability, right? I'm the bad guy."

"It wasn't like that." she said defensively. "I missed Sean and you made me feel like he wasn't completely gone."

"Newsflash, I'm NOT Sean." Jay shouted. I could hear the anger in his voice and something else, something that almost sounded like hurt. He lowered his voice slightly but still had that edge to it, "I'm not Sean. I'm never going to be Sean. I screw up and I don't come out looking like the hero. I screw up and I don't come out smelling like roses. I'm a screw up."

Jay stopped and took a deep breath before he continued, "You have this bad habit of putting people up on these insanely high pedestals and then expecting them not to fall off. We're only human. We make mistakes. You of all people should know that."

The backyard went silent except for the occasional chirp of a cricket or the squawk of a seagull. I held my breath until I heard the Emma's faint voice, barely above a whisper say, "I'm sorry." Then I heard the back door open and shut before finally letting out the breath.

I eased myself around the corner to see Jay leaning on the back porch railing. His head was hanging low and he didn't see me. I cleared my throat to let him know I was there. He lifted his head and turned to look at me before asking, "Eavesdropping?"

"Not on purpose." I replied, stepping up on the bottom step. "I got into a fight with Craig and I couldn't go back inside but at the same time I didn't want to interrupt. Sorry."

"It's okay. Want to go for a walk?" he asked, staring deep into my eyes. It was almost hypnotizing. All I could do was shake my head yes.

We walked in silence halfway down the beach just enjoying the sounds I'd grown to love and the company I just couldn't figure out how I'd lived without. Somewhere in our two and a half mile trek he'd slipped his hand around mine and it had felt almost natural, like we'd been this close for years.

He sat down in the sand and pulled me in between his legs, wrapping his arms around me as we tried to ignore the icy prickle of the ocean air. I closed my eyes breathing in the sound and smells around me, the feel of Jay's arms and his breathing. I never wanted to forget this moment. The summer had been nearly perfect and I wanted to hold on to it for as long as I could.

"Can I ask you something?" Jay said, finally breaking the silence. I nodded, trying to memorize every pitch, every tone of his voice, every curve of his body that was wrapped so tightly around mine. He continued, "Are you still in love with Sean?"

The question shocked me although looking back I guess it probably shouldn't have. I wasn't sure what to say even though I knew the simplest answer without thinking. I was over Sean. I had been for over a year.

"I care about Sean, Jay. He's a good guy. But I'm not in love with him. Is this about Emma, about your fight?" I replied when I'd finally pulled myself together. 

He shrugged, looking off into the distance to avoid looking me in the eyes. My heart ached for him. He'd taken a chance when it had come to Emma and all she'd wanted was his best friend. I couldn't even begin to imagine what that would feel like.

"Jay," I started drawing his attention back to me. "Last night when I was angry it was because of something Emma had said. She told me to be careful. That she knew what it was like to miss Sean and to use you to feel close to him. You know what I told her? I told her that the reason I like you is because you're NOT Sean. No one sees you as being perfect, and it's those imperfections that make you who you are that make me want to sit right here, in your arms, for the rest of my life."

He was silent but he tightened his grip around me. He put his lips against my ear and finally replied, "You're amazing. You know that, Red?"

"Despite my imperfections," I teased.

He ran his hands down my arms to where his sweatshirt was still covering up my old scars then he entwined his fingers with mine and added, "I don't see any imperfections." 

We sat there for at least another hour just talking about absolutely nothing and everything all at the same time. We could no longer feel the cold that encircled us or bit at our cheeks. We were the only two people on the face of the earth and it felt amazing. When we finally decided to face reality, we stood up and dusted the sand off before heading back towards the house.

We hadn't gotten far when I tripped on a piece of seaweed that had washed a shore half buried in the sand and twisted my ankle. I could feel the hot pain shoot up through every muscle and bone as I fought back the tears.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked, kneeling down in front of me.

I took a deep breath fighting off the pain, "Yeah, I just twisted my ankle."

"Can you walk on it?" he asked, not even trying to hide the concern.

"I don't know." I replied, taking his hand and trying to pull myself up. But once I was up, I could barely put any pressure on it without wanting to curl up in a ball and scream. I could already see it swelling in the faint light from the moon.

Jay swooped me up in his arms and started back in the direction we'd been going. He carried me the two miles back to the house with out a single complaint and I loved him for it.

"What did you do to her?" Craig cried, as Jay kicked the door open and carried me in.

Jay sat me down on the couch before turning to Craig and angrily asking, "Excuse me?" 

"Ellie are you okay?" Craig asked, ignoring Jay. "What did he do to you?"

"Fck you, Manning!" Jay shouted, before turning around and walking out of the house.

"Jay!" I called after him but it was too late. The only answer I got was the sound of the front door slamming shut. I turned on Craig, "What is wrong with you? Jay didn't do anything wrong. I tripped on some seaweed. He carried me home."

"Why don't you go get some ice?" Manny said to Craig. I'd never been so happy to have her stick her nose in my business.

"Thanks," I muttered as Craig disappeared into the kitchen.

"No problem. Are you okay?" she asked sincerely.

"I will be. Can you hand me my cell phone?" I asked, pointing to where my cell was sitting a few feet away. She stood up and handed it to me. I started by dialing Jay's cell, though I was sure he wouldn't answer. I was right. It went straight to voicemail, not once but all four times I tried. Growing irritated I finally dialed a different number.

It took three rings before I finally heard Alex's groggy voice say, "What?"

I looked at the clock on the television and realized it was well past midnight, "Sorry," I said before quickly adding, "Have you seen Jay?"

I heard her sigh before she replied, "No, why?"

"It's a long story but do me a favor, if you hear from him tell him to call me," I explained as my head began to pound.

"Yeah," She said. "Hey El, take it from me. He'll come home when he's ready." 

"Thanks," I replied as exhaustion over took me. My ankle was still throbbing, my head was pounding, and all I wanted was the one person who wasn't there.

Craig came back in with an ice pack and Manny ordered him to help me from the couch to a nearby chair while she made the couch pull out into a bed. I watched amused that Manny was taking the time and effort to help me. When the bed was all made up, she ordered Craig to help me into bed and insisted that if I needed anything to just yell. I smiled genuinely, and thanked her before she and Craig headed upstairs.

I flipped through the television for over an hour. I wasn't watching it though, I was watching the neon glow of the clock tick slowly by. I was half asleep when I heard the front door quietly open. I sat up and our eyes met.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't." I replied, as he crumpled into one of the chairs that were sitting nearby.

"How's your ankle?" he asked.

"The swelling went down and it's not hurting anymore. I managed to hobble to the bathroom about fifteen minutes ago, despite Manny's insistence that I call her if I needed anything." I explained with a little smile. He nodded and I added, "I'm glad your back."

"Then scoot over because I'm too tired to make it much father than that couch that you're hogging." He teased, climbing into bed beside me.

I curled into him listening to his heart beat and then without even thinking I c0cked my head back and kissed him. It was deeper, more passionate then the kiss on the beach. The one that was meant to get rid of a stalker. This kiss meant more. It meant possibility. The summer had been about new experiences and taking the first move was definitely a new experience.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, as I tangled my fingers in the hem of his shirt.

"Yeah," I replied looking straight into his baby blue eyes that darkened with the possibilities I was offering. "More sure then I've ever been about anything."

He kissed me hard then more gentle as his lips moved from my mouth down my jaw to my neck. I was so lost in his kisses, the feel of his fingers on my bare skin, that I didn't hear the creak of the stairs or feel the set of eyes that were watching us from the darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

I always found it a little creepy when people in movies or books watched each other sleep. It had something to do with being so unsuspecting while someone's watching you. But I found myself doing it now. I lay there watching Jay's chest rise and fall with each breath, listening to him snore. He looked so vulnerable, so at peace. It was a side of Jay I imagined very few people had ever seen. It was like being offered a membership to an exclusive club or something.

I held my breath as his breathing changed. He shifted and smiled, keeping his eyes closed as he jokingly muttered, "Contemplating ways to kill me in my sleep, Red?"

"Maybe," I replied, trying my hardest to make it sound more threatening but Jay just chuckled.

He reached out and gently pulled me closer, kissing the curve between my neck and shoulder. I closed my eyes as fire shot through me with the simple gesture. The sound of Manny clearing her throat drew them back open.

"Good morning," I said as she sat down in the chair across from us.

"Looks like it," She replied, causing my cheeks to flush pink.

"I'm going to make some coffee," Jay said as he climbed out of bed.

I watched him across the bar as he started the coffee maker then I turned to Manny and asked, "Craig still asleep?"

"Yeah, he's pretty whipped out from your fight last night." Manny explained. "What happened, anyway?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, completely confused. "You were there. You saw the way he went off on Jay."

Manny laughed a little before saying, "I meant the fight you had later, when he came downstairs for a drink." 

I pulled myself up into a sitting position trying to figure out what she was talking about, "Manny, I didn't talk to Craig after you guys went upstairs."

"But he came back upstairs all angry, I just assumed you guys had been fighting." Manny replied.

I heard cups clanging in the kitchen and it hit me, I knew exactly what had made Craig angry. He'd seen way more then was meant to. I felt sick to my stomach as the realization hit me. How could I not have known he'd been standing there? How could I have been so stupid?

"Ellie, are you okay?" Manny asked as she stood up and inched closer to the bed.

I nodded as Jay came back in the living room and handed me a cup of coffee. There was a concerned look on his face that only made me feel sicker, "El?" 

"I'm going to go grab a shower." I said, avoiding Jay's eyes as I sat the coffee mug down on the end table and gently placed my feet on the ground. My ankle still hurt slightly but I could still walk on it.

"Why don't you use my bathroom? I'll help you." Jay started reaching out to put his arm around me for support.

I waved his arm away before replying, "It's okay. I can do it."

I hobbled out of the room as Jay asked Manny, "What did you say to her?"

When I hobbled my way out of Jay's bathroom a half an hour later Jay was sitting on the side of his bed. His eyes remained on the floor, his hair shading him from having to look at me. I didn't blame him. I had completely overrreacted. I had let my uncertainty about the whole me and Jay thing take over. The truth was that I didn't care what Craig thought. The only person I cared about couldn't even look at me. 

"Jay," I said, my voice slightly shaking.

He paused another second before speaking, "I guess I asked the wrong question last night. I guess I should have asked if you were still in love with Craig instead of Sean."

"Jay," I said trying hard to hold back the tears I desperately wanted to cry but it was too late. He stood up and walked out of the bedroom. He didn't look angry. The normal rage wasn't changing his eyes different shades of blue like usual. He looked disappointed and it hurt.

It started raining and this time I wasn't reveling in it. This time it was cold and hateful. It beat against the house, keeping us all locked inside. You could have cut the tension with a knife, especially once Emma and Craig had found their way downstairs.

"Boy this is fun," Craig muttered as he aimlessly flipped through the television channels.

"No one said you had to stay." Jay retorted as he tossed a blue rubber ball against one of the living room walls.

The room fell silent as those that knew the problem held their breath in hopes that the drama would end and those that didn't sat wondering what was going on but was afraid to ask. Some one sighed but in the deathly quiet, it was hard to know which one of us it was. I found myself wishing that life came with a rewind button so I could undo the mess I'd caused.

Manny took the remote from Craig's hand and turned it to Dr. Phil. Craig groaned and Jay rolled his eyes but still no one spoke. Somewhere in the distance there was a clap of thunder forecasting the storm that was about to hit. I just hoped it stayed outside.

"So, you're mad at me again?" Craig asked, leaning up against the counter as I stirred the soup I was making for lunch.

"No," I replied, keeping my eyes on the liquid for any sign of boiling.

"But you would be if I told you 'I told you so'?" he asked.

"You think you know everything, don't you?" I said annoyed with his high and mighty attitude. "Jay's a good guy, Craig. He hasn't done anything wrong."

"No he just played you out of your pants and now he's treating you like you have the plague." Craig replied defensively.

"Screw you, Craig! The tension between me and Jay has absolutely nothing to do with him. It has to do with the fact that I freaked out. I overreacted. And finding out that you were spying on us didn't help." I threw back as my anger began to boil along with the soup.

Craig looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he stuttered, "Well…maybe…you shouldn't have been getting it on in the middle of the living room."

"And maybe you should have stayed in Vancouver." I yelled, turning off the stove and storming out of the room.

"Craig?" Manny asked, taking my place in the kitchen as I locked myself in my bedroom.

"What?" he snapped, then seeing Manny he softened his voice and added, "Sorry."

"Look, I'm in no way a fan of Jay's but you didn't see them this morning. They were adorable cuddled up on the couch. Maybe we should all give them a chance, at least to find out for themselves whether or not it could work." Manny reasoned. "You know, people didn't think we were going to work, especially with our past and look at us now. We're happy, right?"

Manny wrapped her arms around Craig's waist looking up into his eyes. He smiled down at her, "Right," then kissed her on the nose.

"I think we should go home tomorrow, so they can work this out." Manny added leaning her head against his chest.

Craig's body stiffened, "I…I can't. I can't leave Ellie here alone with him."

"You're not her boyfriend, Craig." Manny said stepping back. Her voice was rising in anger. "Last time I checked you were mine and I want to go home."

I was lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling listening to The Fray when he knocked on the door. It was soft and I almost didn't hear it. I thought it was Craig so I shouted, "Go away."

"El?" Jay's voice asked on the other side of the wooden barrier.

I jumped up, sending a slight flash of pain shooting up my leg from my injured ankle. I took in a deep breath of air fighting off the pain before opening the door. I gently stepped back to let him in and then shut the door behind him. 

"Planning on dancing in the rain again?" Jay asked, pacing around the room nervously.

"If it makes you not mad at me." I replied, trying to lighten the mood.

He looked at me seriously and asked again for the second time in less than forty-eight hours, "What do you want from me, Ellie?"

This time I knew the answer, "I want what we had last night, what we had the other night on the beach, what we've been working so hard all summer to pretend isn't happening. I want you."

"Why?" He asked locking his blues on my green ones.

I walked towards him placing my hands on his shoulders, "Because you make me feel like the whole world doesn't suck."

He rolled his eyes and laughed, pulling me on to his lap, "Which Brat Pack movie did you steal that from?"

"It's an Ellie Nash original. You can quote me on it." I teased back.

With the storm dying down outside and inside, Jay and I made our way downstairs. Emma, Manny, and Craig were gathered around the coffee table with Monopoly spread out in front of them.

"We just started," Emma said, rolling the dice. "You guys want to play?"

Jay and I both looked at each other, then shrugging our shoulders scooted in to play too.

"Em and I are going home tomorrow." Manny said, as the game reached its one hour mark and we all decided to throw in the towel. She was sorting the money back into its plastic sorter as we cleaned up the game.

"Why?" I asked, shocking myself a little. I'd been wanting to get rid of Manny for as long as I could remember and now that she was voluntarily leaving I wanted to know why.

"It just feels like it's time, you know?" Emma started.

"And I want to get in some auditions in before school starts." Manny added.

"And I miss my family." Emma replied.

"What about you Craig? Are you headed back to Vancouver?" I asked.

He put on a fake smile, "Nah, actually I thought I'd stick around for a few more days." 

I tried to ignore the pointed look he shot at Jay and I hoped Jay would ignore it too. I was surprised and happy when Jay said, "I'll drive you guys to the bus station, if you want." 

"Thanks," Emma said, faintly smiling.

"Yeah, thanks." Manny added.

The next morning was a madhouse with Emma and Manny both rushing around the house making sure they had everything packed up. As the day drawled on I was dreading them leaving. I would be left alone with Craig while Jay drove the girls to the bus station. I was still angry at him for spying, for trying to get in the middle of whatever was going on between me and Jay. 

"Alright, we'll be back." Jay said as he followed Manny and Emma out of the house lugging their suitcases with him.

I shut the door before turning around and finding Craig standing right behind me. I glared, putting my hands on my hips before asking, "What?"

Meanwhile at the bus station Manny was buying the tickets leaving Emma and Jay waiting near by, alone.

"You don't have to wait around." Emma said.

"I know," Jay replied. "So, you're going home?"

Emma nodded, "Yeah, home sweet home."

"You know Wasaga isn't that far. It's on your way home. You should think about stopping in and seeing Sean." Jay added, meeting Emma's eyes in sincerity.

"I don't think so. He stayed in Wasaga to get away from Toronto, away from Degrassi, away from me." She added, her voice smaller then Jay had ever heard it. He was use to her being overbearing, demanding, forceful. It was scary how much she'd changed.

"You know that's not true." Jay replied. "Maybe he's just waiting for a reason to come back."

Jay walked away, leaving Emma to think over what he'd said. He walked up to where Manny was waiting in line. It had barely moved since they'd gotten there and Manny was beyond frustrated.

"Hey," Jay said sneaking up behind Manny and causing her to jump slightly. He of course started laughing.

Manny smacked him hard on the arm, "You are an ass."

"So I've been told." He replied with a c0cky smile as he rubbed his arm. Then with dropping smile for a more serious look he asked, "Is there a reason you're leaving your boyfriend behind?"

"Because I know it's driving you crazy and that's good enough for me." Manny replied with a little smile.

"Funny, Santos. But are you sure annoying me is worth losing time with the rock star?" Jay continued.

"Lately, yes. He's become a real pain with his sudden need to protect Ellie from you." Manny answered, rolling her eyes and inching forward with the line.

"Tell me about it." Jay muttered. Then after a brief pause he added, "But you care, right? About him? Don't you think leaving now could be a big mistake?"

Manny looked up at Jay shocked that he'd actually said something meaningful. He'd dropped his normal line of bull and actually made sense. Manny was about to open her mouth and say something when Emma appeared.

"I'm not going home," Emma said, stopping whatever train of though Manny was about to unleash. "I'm going to Wasaga. I want to see Sean."

Jay hid his smile as Manny asked, "Are you sure? I don't think your mom's going to like this very much."

"Then don't tell her, go with me." Emma offered.

Manny sighed then looked from Emma to Jay then back again, "I can't. I have to stay here and try to make Craig see what an idiot he's being."

Jay hid his smile as he thought how easy it had been. Maybe Ellie had been right, maybe he was getting good at the whole knight in shining armor thing. He knew Craig and Manny would work things out. They'd been through too much not too and as for Emma and Sean, if destiny really did exist then it was for those two.


	12. Chapter 12

"What?" I asked again, a little more aggressively when Craig didn't answer the first time.

"I don't want you to be mad at me." Craig finally replied, giving what I assume was supposed to be a puppy dog look.

"Then you should have gone back to Vancouver." I said, making my way past him.

He grabbed my arm firmly to stop me from leaving, "I'm your friend, El. I can't help that I care, that I'm worried about you."

"I get that, believe me I do. I was worried about you when you got back with Manny but I didn't stand in your way. You made your own decision and I supported it. Why can't you do the same for me?" I asked. 

"Because I don't trust him and there's nothing you can say or do that's going to make me trust him." Craig explained. 

"So you're going to risk your music career to baby-sit my love life? That's beyond insane. And what about Manny? You really think she's going to be okay with that, you coming back to Toronto because of me?" I asked my voice rising again in anger. "Craig, just go upstairs, pack your bags, and go back to Vancouver before you dig a hole you can't climb out of."

"I'm not leaving Ellie." Craig replied. "Not unless you're coming with me." 

"Oh my god, you are impossible!" I yelled throwing my hands up in irritation. "Are you even listening to yourself? You sound like a jealous boyfriend."

"Well," he said stepping closer. "Maybe I am jealous."

Before I could even reply, all hell started breaking loose. He leaned over and kissed me and without even thinking I kissed him back. I realized my mistake only a second too late. The front door flew open and I could hear a gasp before everything went silent. Both Craig and I looked in the direction of the noise and saw Jay and Manny standing in the doorway. I felt my stomach twist and my head grow fuzzy as if all the air in the room was being sucked out. The silence was deafening and suffocating. I wanted some sound, any sound, even if it was screaming and yelling.

As quickly as it had gone quite the room came to life again. Manny picked up a nearby vase and chucked it at Craig's head. I didn't even flinch as it shattered against the wall behind me. My eyes were still locked on Jay's. His face was growing redder by the second. He was angrier then I'd ever seen him and it scared me a little.

"Jay," I said, stepping away from Craig and towards Jay. He held up his hand to stop me and shaking his head turned around and walked out the door.

"I'm sorry," I muttered after him.

"You should be." Manny replied, trying to catch her breath from the number of curses she'd just yelled at Craig. Then she turned around without another word and stormed out the same way Jay had.

The room fell silent once again as my emotions began to bubble. I turned around and saw Craig still standing an arms length away. In that moment I knew exactly how Manny had felt when she'd thrown the vase at his head because I would have given anything for something to throw. Instead, I calmly walked past him and up the steps.

I must have fallen to sleep or, by the puffiness of my eyes, cried myself to sleep. I opened my eyes to an orange tent decorating the walls of my room and bringing back everything that had happened earlier. The sun was setting as I forced myself up and down the stairs. Jay should have been back by now, I thought as I headed for his bedroom.

I stopped in the open doorway of Jay's bedroom but there was no sign of him. I fought off the impending doom as I searched each room with no luck. I checked out front but his car was still missing too. I forced myself not to call Alex, instead dialing Jay's cell phone with no luck. I looked at the clock, he'd been gone for five hours and I was starting to get worried.

I paced around the house until I heard the front door open. I raced to the living room to find it was only Manny. The little bit of hope I'd been hanging on to quickly disappeared. Something didn't feel right and as each minute ticked by I was getting more and more desperate to see his face or at least hear his voice.

I was leaving my tenth voicemail when Manny came down stairs and sat down in the chair across from me. I looked at her but finished leaving the message before saying anything, "Not now, Manny, we can fight about this later."

"I'm worried," she replied. And I could tell that she really was.

I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by a knock at the door. I looked at Manny before jumping up from the couch and rushing to answer it. There was a knot in the middle of my stomach telling me I really didn't want to open that door but I took a deep breath and turned the knob.

It wasn't Jay on the other side, which shouldn't have been a shock because he had a key. My heart sunk to my stomach at the sight of the uniformed police officer standing in the doorway. I knew with every ounce of my body that I wasn't going to like what he had to say.

"Hello, do you know a…" he started as he opened a notebook and flipped a couple pages. When he was finished scanning his notes he continued, "A Jason Hogart?" 

I felt my knees go week as the room began to spin. The officer was still talking but the only words I could hear were, Jason Hogart. I felt an arm go around my waist keeping me from collapsing on to the floor, which is what I really wanted to do.

"She's his roommate." Manny replied.

The officer looked Manny over then asked, "And you are?"

"A friend," Manny replied, tightening her grip around my waist slightly.

The officer nodded before continuing, "There's been an accident…"

I felt my legs buckle as a sob escaped my throat. I was stuck in a horrible nightmare that I really wanted to wake up from. I expected the world to stop but it didn't and the officer continued, "Mr. Hogart is in critical condition at Beach Front Hospital. Do either of you know how I can get a hold of his parents?"

I shook my head no and guessed Manny was too because at first she didn't speak and then she did, "His ex-girlfriend, she might know. She works at the record store on the boardwalk."

"Thank you," The officer said. "We'll go talk to her but if you here from them make sure you have them call the station."

The officer was gone but the agony was still there. A million thoughts were racing through my head and none of them made sense. What do I do? Who should I call? Did I turn off the dryer? Were the breakfast dishes clean? Was he going to be all right? Everything was jumbled, making the confusion worse. I couldn't think. I could barely breathe. The world wasn't slowing down or stopping. It wasn't sharing my misery or pain. I felt like I was hanging from a cliff and the only thing keeping me from falling was slowly ripping in two.

"I don't know what to do." I said, looking at Manny in desperation. "I don't know what to do."

Craig chose that moment to come down the stairs. One look at me and anyone could have told there was something wrong. His face scrunched up in fear as he asked, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"There's been an accident." Manny started, her voice shaking on the verge of tears. "It's Jay."

I looked up at Craig, barely seeing through my own tears, "I need to get to the hospital. I need to call Alex." 

Craig nodded picking up my cell phone along with his. With Manny on one side and him on the other I made my way outside and into Craig's car. He handed me my cell phone once we were buckled in but my heads shook so bad I couldn't dial the number. I couldn't even see the numbers.

"Let me do that," Manny said wiping tears from her cheeks. She reached out and took the phone from my hands, "What's the number."

I told her the number then snuggled further into the sweatshirt I'd taken from Jay's drawer after my nap. It smelled like him a mixture of cologne, sweat, motor oil, and sunscreen. It was comforting knowing that a part of him was there with me.

It seemed to take forever to get to the hospital. I stared out the window watching the other cars speed by. They were going to the beach, or to work, or home to their loved ones. They didn't know what it was like to feel your whole world turned up side down in less than twenty-four hours. They didn't know what it was like to be sitting in the back seat of a beat up car praying for a do over. Wishing with everything that you have to be able to go back just a few hours and fix it. Hoping that he'll wake up with just the sound of your voice but knowing that you're the reason he's in this mess in the first place.

The lady sitting behind the front desk reminded me of the old, bitter, librarian that frightened me when I was in grade four. She scrawled at us like we'd just set fire to the reference section. Hard, angry gray eyes that felt like they were going to bore a hole in you, accusing you of everything you were accusing yourself of.

"We're here to see Jason Hogart," Manny said uneasily.

"Are you family?" The lady asked, her voice course and threatening.

"We're the closest thing he's got." A familiar voice said from behind. 

I turned around to see Alex and Brie standing behind me. I hugged Alex like she was a long lost best friend, someone I'd known almost my whole life. She was the only one who knew what I was going through, who really knew what I was feeling at that moment. She was paler then usual and I could feel her shaking the same way I was. Then I remember she'd once told me she hated hospital more than junior finals, more than root canals, or Heather Sinclair's polka dotted sun dress.

She hugged me back at first then remembering we weren't alone, gently pushed me away, "Have they told you anything?"

I shook my head no, "We just got here."

We all turned back to the secretary who pointed to the waiting room and said, "He's in with the doctors. Wait in there."

We followed her bony finger to the waiting room. The tiny television in the corner was playing some soap opera where someone's sister slept with her boyfriend's brother's cousin. I paced back and forth unable to sit still until I knew, either way I needed to know.


	13. Chapter 13

It seemed like now that I wanted time to speed up, now that I needed answers the clock was moving backwards. It felt like hours, or days before a good looking man in his early thirties walked into the room. He was wearing a pair of blue-green scrubs and carrying a clip board.

"The friends of Jason Hogart," he asked, looking up and scanning the room.

"Yeah," I heard Alex reply and the doctor headed over towards us.

"I'm Doctor Andrews," he began. "Is there a parent of other relative present?"

We shook our heads no and waited for him to continue, "Okay, then all I can tell you is that your friend is unconscious and in critical condition. You're welcome to go in and see him but only one at a time." 

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked, barely recognizing my own voice. It sounded so far away, like I was hearing it on television or the radio.

"It's too early to tell." Dr. Andrews replied and then before leaving to go back to his duties he added, "He's in room two."

Alex and I both looked at each other and despite the fact that I wanted to see him, needed to see him, I nodded for her to go ahead. She disappeared out of the waiting room and everyone went back to what they had been doing before. Except for me, I just stood there. Fear had me paralyzed in the spot. My arms wrapped around my waist as I hugged myself.

"Can I get you anything?" Brie asked, stepping in front of me and drawing my attention away from the spot I was staring at on the floor. "Coffee, something to eat, shoulder to cry on?"

"Can you make him wake up?" I asked, as a fresh round of tears pushed their way to the surface.

"No," She replied with a sad smile. "I wish I could, for you, for Alex. I know what it's like to be stuck here with no answers and no clue whether or not your friend's going to be okay. Two years ago a friend of mine got drunk and decided to go rock climbing. He fell and hit his head. I spent two weeks in here, scared to death. It sucked."

"What happened?" I asked, scared to know the answer and scared not to. 

Brie looked down at the ground, "He died." She looked back up at me before adding, "But that doesn't mean Jay will. Hang in there Ellie, because right now he needs you to be strong because he can't be."

He needed me to be strong? Was that even possible?

I looked up as Alex walked back into the room trying to hide the tears she'd been crying. Alex was strong. I was weak. I took a deep breath before heading down the hallway to room two.

I stopped outside the room, my hand gripping the doorknob firmly. If it had been flesh I would have caused a bruise. I told my self I could do it even though I wasn't sure it was true. With one last sigh I pushed the door open and walked in.

My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. His face was swollen with the colors of a gothic rainbow, black, blue, and purple. There were cuts and scrapes covering both his face and his arms. There was a bandage on his forehead hiding only god knows what.

I sat down in the chair beside him, keeping my hands in my lap. I was afraid to touch him for fear he'd break. I realized that I was doing it again, watching him sleep. It was the second time in less than a week. His words drifted back to me, "Contemplating ways to kill me, Red?" The tears broke loose as I finally reached for his hand. It was warm and slightly comforting to have, just to feel his fingers against my skin.

"I'm sorry," I whispered through the tears. "I'm sorry."

I wanted him to squeeze my hand, to open his eyes and tell me everything was going to be okay but he didn't. The only sound in the room besides my sobbing was the beeps and whirls of the machines he was hooked up to. I studied them, trying to figure out exactly what they did, how they worked. I was reading the buttons on one of the machines when a nurse walked in to the room.

"You're going to have to step outside while I check his vitals." She said placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded but made no attempt to move.

"Ma'am," the nurse added.

I nodded again but this time I stood up. I gently placed Jay's hand back on the bed before turning and walking out of the room. The tears that had stalled while I was looking over the medical equipment erupted the second I was in the hallway. I slowly made my way to the waiting room, trying desperately to pull myself together.

Manny hugged me when I entered the room. It was awkward yet felt completely normal. Alex and Brie had left. They were both on duty at the record store and since Alex wasn't particularly fond of hospitals it was probably for the better.

"Lets get you home," Craig said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

Something inside of me snapped as I whirled around to face him. I reached out and slapped him without even thinking, without even meaning to. My face fell in shock before being replaced again with anger, "This is all your fault. You couldn't just leave it alone, could you? You couldn't just let me be happy. You ruined everything. Just go back to Vancouver, Craig. Because I really don't want you here."

I was shaking by the time I finished, whether it was in fear or rage I wasn't really sure. I felt drained of all energy but I forced myself to stand my ground. I refused to feel bad about the hurt in Craig's eyes because it was his fault Jay was fighting for his life, because it was our fault.

"Ellie, you're exhausted." Manny started and I knew where it was going. I started shaking my head no before she could even continue. "You need food, a nice hot shower, and some sleep. We can come back later."

My head was shaking faster with every word. When she finally finished I replied, "I'm not going anywhere," and then I pointed at Craig and added, "Especially with him."

They tried changing my mind a couple more times before finally realizing it was pointless and giving up. They left, leaving me alone in the hospital waiting room until I could get back in to see Jay.

Manny studied Craig out of the corner of her eye. His cheek was a light pink from where Ellie had slapped him and the far away look in his eye was almost scary. They'd been riding in silence since pulling away from the hospital.

"She's scared." Manny said, finally breaking the silence. "She didn't mean what she said." 

"Maybe. But she was right, this is all my fault. I just hate the idea of her being with that jerk." Craig replied, keeping his eyes firmly on the road instead of looking at Manny.

"Why?" She asked. "He's been nothing but great to her the entire time we've been here."

"Are you kidding me?" Craig shot back. "He was using her the same way he used Emma. I can't believe you're defending him."

"He's not the one who cheated on his girlfriend." Manny said before turning away from Craig to look out the window. After a couple of quiet seconds she pulled out her cell phone and dialed.

"Who are you calling?" Craig asked. She just ignored him.

A voicemail box picked up, "Hey Em, it's me. I wish I was calling under better circumstances but something's happened. Jay's been in an accident and he's pretty bad off. We won't know a whole lot until they get a hold of one of his parents. I figured since you were with Sean you might want to know. Talk to you later."

Manny hung up the phone and turning her face as far away from Craig as she could. She wiped away the tear that had made its way down her cheek. Never in a million years would Manny have thought she'd be feeling this bad for Jason Hogart, that she'd be defending him.

I was half a sleep, hunched over Jay's hospital bed when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the face of a new revolving nurse. The whole day nurses had come and gone. I had yet to see the same one twice.

"I'm sorry miss but visiting hours are almost over." she said with a friendly smile.

I looked at her as if she'd just grown a third head and then with a steady voice asserted, "I'm not leaving."

She looked at me in shock at first, then she looked at Jay and when her eyes came back to mine they'd softened. With a friendly smile she said, "I can get you a blanket and a pillow for the couch in the waiting room, but you can't stay in here. Your boyfriend needs his rest if he's going to get better."

My boyfriend. It sounded funny even to me but I didn't correct her. I nodded my understanding, before looking back at Jay. I kissed his hand gently before following the nurse out of the room.

The couch was lumpy and the sleep was restless. I spent most of the night flipping through the channels on the tiny television screen until my eyes fell shut. It was amazing to me how one fantastic summer could turn to crap so quickly. Then I thought about Jay. I tried to remember the look on his face at the bonfire, or the night I twisted my ankle. But all I could see was the bruised and battered Jay that was lying right down the hall. It was funny how we take for granted that people are just going to be there when there's no guarantee they will.


	14. Chapter 14

I woke up the next morning with a kink in my back and a stiff neck. The thump in my head was bordering on migraine and my stomach was yelling at me for not eating since yesterday morning. I pushed away the hunger and made my way down the hall to Jay's room. There would be plenty of time to eat once he woke up.

As the day pressed on I lost all track of time. People came and went but I barely noticed. I sat by Jay's bed for the most part, only leaving when a doctor or nurse insisted I had to. Manny had turned out to be a constant, bringing me coffee and food through out the day. She knew taking care of myself was the last thing on my mind.

I was somewhere between awake and asleep when I felt a hand land on my shoulder. I figured it was time for the vitals again so without even looking I nodded and stood up. I started to walk away when a very familiar voice stopped me in my tracks, "Ellie?"

I turned around and found myself face to face with Sean. At first I thought I was still asleep and that I was dreaming Sean standing there. But as my headache continued to thump I knew it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare.

"What are you doing here?" I asked when the shock finally wore off.

"Manny, she called Emma. We came as soon as we got the message." Sean replied. Then looking over at Jay asked, "How is he?"

"How does he look and since when do you care?" I asked, annoyed that Sean decided now was the time to walk back into all of our lives. 

"Because he's my friend or at least I thought he was." Sean shot back. The muscle in his jaw tightened and fire flashed through his eyes.

I knew right away it was about Emma. She'd told him about the Ravine and like everyone else in the world Sean was blaming Jay. Defensively I asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on El. First Emma, now you? What kind of friend does that? What kind of friend preys on your ex-girlfriends like that?" Sean replied equally defensively.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Sean." I yelled. "You've been gone for over a year. You can't blame Jay for my decisions, for Emma's decisions."

"Are you kidding me? Since the day I met Jay people have been telling me what a mistake I was making, including you and now you're defending him?" Sean added in disbelief.

"You don't get it. You chose to stay behind, Sean. You walked out of me, on Jay, on Emma. You have no right to condemn our decisions, our choices. We did what we had to, all of us, and it's just too bad if you don't like it. Don't blame Jay because Emma couldn't deal. Don't blame Jay because you can't deal now." I said. I stormed out of the room angrier then I'd been in a long time. I couldn't believe how people were coming down on Jay, now of all times. If I had to listen to one more person go off on another 'Jay's a jerk' tandem I was going to lose my mind.

I retreated to the bathroom feeling like my head was going to explode. I splashed some cold water on my face then looked at my reflection in the mirror. Even with a tan I looked pale. My eyes were sunken with dark circles from lack of sleep. My hair was even more unruly than usual as it snuck its way out of its loose ponytail. I smoothed my hair down the best I could and tried out a fake smile but it looked ridiculous even to me.

I headed out of the bathroom and back to Jay's room. I was thankful it wasn't Sean sitting beside Jay's bed when I got back, it was Alex. I sighed in relief before saying, "Hey."

"Hey yourself," Alex replied, looking up at me. "How is he? Any change?"

"About the same, I think. They're still not telling me anything since I'm not family." I explained.

"Well, I finally got ahold of his dad. He should be here this afternoon." Alex said.

"Good." I replied.

We sat there quietly for a few minutes before either of us spoke again. Alex broke the silence. "El, no offense but you look like crap. Go home, get a shower, get something to eat, and take a nap."

"I'm not going anywhere." I replied. 

"Look, I'll stay here and I'll call if anything changes. Brie's in the waiting room. Let her take you home at least to shower and change. She'll bring you right back if you want." Alex offered.

I looked at Jay lying there so helplessly and my heart ached for him. "Okay," I finally caved. "But I'll be right back."

I slowly made my way to the waiting room ignoring Sean, Emma, and Craig. Manny wasn't there and I figured she was on a coffee run. Brie looked up and with a nod stood up. We left without a word to each other or anyone else.

"What is Ellie thinking?" Sean asked mostly to himself after I'd left with Brie.

"I've been asking myself that same thing since the day I got here." Craig replied.

"I tried talking to her. I tried warning her." Emma added. "But she blew up and stormed off."

"Why don't you guys just leave her alone?" Manny suggested. "Don't you think she's going through enough right now? If you want to hound her about her relationship with Jay why don't you wait until we find out if he's going to be okay first?"

"Since when do you stick up for Ellie?" Emma asked, looking at her friend like she was from another planet. 

"Since I sat beside your hospital bed wondering whether or not you were going to be okay," Manny replied. "Don't you remember what it was like when Snake had cancer? Never knowing if he was going to be okay or if what you said to him that morning was going to be the last words you ever spoke to him? Give her a break, Emma, she loves Jay. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's a bad thing."

"Are you listening to yourself?" Emma shot back defensively. "Weren't you the one warning me away from Jay when I wanted to be with him?"

Sean stiffened at the thought but Manny didn't notice as she continued, "You didn't love Jay, Emma, you loved Sean. You were just using Jay to deal with the fact that Sean bailed."

"I guess Mr. Wonderful was blameless?" Craig said sarcastically as he jumped in. 

Manny leveled him with a look, "You really think you should be judging anyone in that department? You cheated on Ashley and you cheated on me. If you ask me, you're no better than he is." 

"Shhh, this is a hospital not a high school." A passing nurse said sternly causing the four of them to cut their argument short.

Back at the house everything looked the same with the exception of the broken vase. It had been cleaned up from where it had shattered against the wall. I sighed as I moved past the spot where everything had crashed and burned and made my way upstairs to shower and change.

I stood in the shower letting the water mix with the tears. The day had already been too long and it was barely past noon. A flash of pink caught my eye, peeking out from under the washrag. An old feeling began in the pit of my stomach as I picked up the pink plastic razor I'd used to shave my legs a few days ago. I ran my finger along the blades, remembering the feeling of creating a cut and watching it bleed. The release of emotions that had led to my addiction. I traced the faded scars remembering how easy it had been to deal with the pain when it was physical, when it was controllable. I was crying harder and my breathing was erratic. I dropped the razor, watching as it swirled around the drain. Brie had said Jay needed me to be strong and there was nothing strong about falling back into an old, destructive habit.

I quickly climbed out of the shower, pushing away the urge to pick the razor back up. I threw on a clean pair of jeans and an old faded Nirvana t-shirt before making my way back downstairs.

Brie was sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine. She looked up when the stair creaked and gave me a little smile, "You know, I don't mind hanging around if you want to try and get a little sleep." 

"No, I'm fine. Really." I replied. "I'm just going to grab a sweatshirt. It got a little cold last night." She nodded in understanding instead of making me argue about it like everyone else seemed to want to do.

I walked into Jay's room, breathing in the familiar sent of him. I riffled through the things on his dresser. The brush he'd hardly used, the aloe he'd put on his sunburn, the cologne he used when he was going out. Taped to the mirror was a picture of us, just him and me on the beach during one of our volleyball games. One of the guys on our team had taken it after we'd won. Jay's arms were wrapped around me in a friendly hug and we were both smiling from ear to ear. I traced the picture as I relived the memory in my mind. I could almost feel the hot breeze on my face.

I shook the thoughts away before reaching into his closet and grabbing a sweatshirt. I would have to do some of his laundry before he came home, I thought, letting a little chuckle escape me. I was half way out of the room before I stopped, turned back around, and grabbed the picture, tucking it in my pocket. 

"Ready," I said as I re-entered the living room. I followed Brie to her car and we headed back to the hospital.

At the hospital I was directed yet again to wait in the waiting room. Jay was having more test runs which meant I was exiled from the room. I dreaded going into the waiting room where undoubtedly Sean, Craig, and Emma would still be. I didn't want to see them, I didn't want to talk to them, and I didn't feel that they had any right to be there. But who was I to tell them they had to leave?

"You coming?" Brie asked when she realized I wasn't following.

I looked around for any excuses but couldn't find one so I reluctantly followed her. The gang was all there. Craig, Sean, and Emma sat on one side while Alex and Manny sat on the other. I rolled my eyes before sitting down next to Alex.

"Any change?" I asked, knowing she would have called if there had been.

She opened her mouth to answer when a booming voice interrupted, "Alex, what is going on? What did my screw-up son do now?"

I looked at the owner of the voice ,shocked at the resemblance he had to his son. The same blue eyes, thick lips, and masculine jaw line. It was like starring into the face of Jay twenty years from now. 

"Mr. Hogart," Sean said, standing up and shaking the man's hand.

"Sean? Jay didn't tell me you were going to be here." the man replied, all thoughts of his son's current medical condition disappearing.

"I came as soon as I heard." Sean said, making me want to gag.

"Well, it's good to see you. I apologize for whatever my Jay did that made you stop coming around." Mr. Hogart added. I could feel the fire growing inside of me as he turned back to Alex and continued, "Well, let me have it. What mess has Jay gotten himself into this time?" 

"What is wrong with you people?" I snapped. "Jay's in there fighting for his life and all you can do is bad mouth him. You're supposed to be his father and you're supposed to be his friend." I added pointing from Jay's dad to Sean.

"And you are?" Mr. Hogart asked in a slightly annoyed voice.

"Someone who apparently cares a lot more than you do." I replied before making my way out of the room.


	15. Chapter 15

"So, I met your dad today." I said, taking Jay's hand in mine hoping for some kind of response. "He's a real charmer. I guess I know where you get your attitude from, which I guess means you got your heart from your mom." 

"She killed herself." Alex said from behind me. It startled me and I jumped slightly but she continued anyway, "The same year my dad died. We were ten and it was the worst year of our lives."

"What was she like?" I asked.

"Like the sun shining through a rain storm. She was beautiful and smart but she was sad all the time. She caught Jay's dad screwing his secretary and I guess it pushed her over the edge. Jay doesn't like talking about it, so when he wakes up don't let him know I told you." Alex explained.

"You mean if he wakes up?" I said, my voice cracking at the thought.

She didn't answer but I saw her head nod slightly. She chased away the silence by saying, "Brie and I are heading out. Are you going to be okay?" 

I shrugged but gave her a little smile. I watched her disappear as the door shut behind her then I turned my attention back to Jay.

"I need you to wake." I said trying to sound stern. In my ears it sounded anything but. "Please."

I heard the door open again behind me but figured it was just Manny bringing me a fresh cup of coffee. I wiped away the tears not wanting her to see them.

"I'm sorry," Sean's voice sai,d causing me to whip around and look at him. "I guess I didn't realize how much he means to you, or maybe I didn't want to." 

"He's changed, Sean. We all have." I said, my voice low and strained from emotion. "This summer with Jay, he showed me the person I want to be, fearless, strong, adventurous. I don't think I can be that girl without him."

"Ellie, you've always been that girl. Standing up to your mom was fearless. Admitting you had a problem cutting was strong. Giving guys like Jay and me a chance is adventurous. Jay didn't make you that girl. You did that all on your own." Sean replied as he kneeled down beside me. 

"Maybe, but he made me see her. He made me see me." I added. Then with a look at Jay I let it all out, "I love him." 

Sean was quiet for a minute. I waited for the arguments and protests to begin but he simply said, "I hope he knows how lucky he is."

We sat their quietly for what felt like an eternity but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence like the other times. This time it was peaceful. I found myself relaxing a little, well as much as someone sitting vigil in a hospital could anyway. My stomach growled and I realized I still hadn't eaten more than a couple bites of the blueberry muffin Manny had brought me in from the cafeteria.

"I think I'm going to go grab a bite to eat. Come get me if he wakes up?" I asked, waiting for Sean to agree before I left the room.

I made my way down the hallways paying little attention to the people around me. I no longer cared how their lives compared to mine or why they were there in the first place. It didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was Jay. 

"Mind if I join you?" Manny asked sitting down across from me at one of the tables in the cafeteria. She didn't wait for me to answer so I didn't bother.

It was a little awkward. We'd some how managed to form something close to a friendship while stuck in the white washed halls of the hospital. I didn't understand it but who was I to question fate?

"I'm sorry I called Emma. I honestly didn't think her and Sean would be like this." Manny apologized.

"It's okay." I replied, taking a bite of the salad I had bought. "Actually, I think Sean's coming around."

"That's good." Manny said with a little smile. "I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know what it's like to watch someone you care about lie in a hospital bed. This past year when Emma was fighting her eating disorder, it was really scary."

"Kind of funny isn't it? How much it seems we have in common." I added with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, it is." she agreed as we both dug into the food in front of us.

I slept better that night than I had the night before. It may have had to do with the fact that I wasn't alone. Manny had decided to stay, taking over the couch as I slept on the floor. Sean had volunteered to stay too but after listening to the fifteen minute argument between him and Emma I finally told him to just go back to the house. Or it could have been the fact that after my outburst with Jay's dad he'd told the doctors that it was okay to update us about Jay's condition. Dr. Andrews informed us that despite the fact he was still unconscious it did seem that he was getting better. The internal bleeding had stopped and his bruised ribs were healing nicely.

I would have been lying if I said I wasn't still worried because I was. I was terrified that he wouldn't wake up and even more terrified that if he did, he still wouldn't be able to forgive me about the kiss with Craig. I'd never wanted anything as much as I wanted to be with Jay. Good or bad, it didn't matter, I wanted it. 

I woke up early the next morning feeling refreshed. It was barely dawn as the soft, pale, pink light of the rising sun began to drift in through the waiting room window. I padded down the hall to Jay's room and quietly let myself in. I sat down in the chair that had my butt prints permanently embedded in it. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder with yesterday's admission that I loved Jay. Now all that was left to do was tell him to his face. 

Once again I took his hand in mine, placing a gentle kiss on his warm skin. I opened my mouth to tell him everything when his hand gently squeezed mine. At first I thought I was imagining it but I looked up and saw his eyes flutter. My heart skipped as I tried to think of something to do, something to say.

"Jay?" I started.

I heard a little groan from the back of his throat as he licked his lips and tried to speak. But before any words could make their way out the door flew open. Nurses and doctors rushed in pushing me further and further away from his side. I stood outside the open door listening to the hushed voices as they checked Jay's vitals and made double sure that he really was okay.

"What's going on?" Alex asked, walking down the hall with fear etched in every corner of her face.

"He's awake." I said as a real smile began to spread across my lips. "He squeezed my hand and then he woke up."

"Is he okay?" she asked as the excitement began to replace the worry. "I mean he's okay, right?" 

"I don't know. It just happened. The doctors are still in there." I answered but after a second or two I added, "I think he is. Going to be okay, I mean."

It was close to a half an hour later when we were finally let back in to see him. I was unbelievably nervous despite the fact that I had spent just about the entire summer with him. I went in first, ready to spill my guts, ready to tell him how much he really meant to me.

I knocked on the door and waited until he called out, "Come in," to go inside.

He looked at me and smiled then in an instant the smile was gone. I assumed all the memories of before the accident had come rushing back to him but I had no way of knowing for sure. I eased myself further inside the room but didn't sit down.

"You had us all scared." I said with a little laugh.

"Sorry," He replied.

I bent my head in shame. This was going to be a lot harder then I thought. "Jay," I started again.

He cut me off asking, "Is Alex here?"

It hurt. He didn't want to see me, he wanted to see Alex. He wasn't in love with me; he was in love with Alex. How could I have been so stupid to get myself into this mess again, first Sean, then Craig, and now Jay? I couldn't help but think what an idiot I had been.

I swallowed the lump in my throat before replying, "Yeah, she's in the waiting room with Brie, Manny, Emma, Sean, and Craig."

He looked a little shocked at the mention of Sean but nodded, "Can you send her in here?"

I held back the tears that desperately wanted out as I whispered, "Okay," and headed out of the room.

I refused to give Emma, Craig, or Sean the satisfaction of seeing me hurt so outside of the waiting room I pulled myself together. Putting on a fake smile and praying it didn't look as fake as it felt. Then with a deep breath I forced myself through the door.

"He's awake," I said trying to sound excited. Then pointing at Alex I added, "He wants to see you next."

No one said anything as Alex stood up and headed down the hall to Jay's room. I felt my false bravado failing so I made up something about needing to use the bathroom. It wasn't a complete lie. I really did feel sick to my stomach. I steadily made my way out of the room trying not to draw attention to myself. The last thing I needed was a bunch of 'I told you so's'.

"You are so going to pay for this," Alex teased as she walked into Jay's hospital room. "You know I hate hospitals."

"And you came anyway?" He asked back, his tone anything but teasing.

Alex shrugged as she sunk down into the chair beside his bed, "I couldn't exactly stick Ellie with full time babysitting duty, now could I?"

"I'm surprised she's here at all." He stated flatly.

"Are you kidding me?" Alex asked, not sure if Jay was joking or not. "She hasn't left the hospital except to get a shower and change her clothes."

Jay rolled his eyes slightly and not because of the pounding in his head but because he remembered seeing Craig and Ellie kissing. He may have been unconscious but he wasn't stupid, he didn't have amnesia.

"Don't do this, Jay." Alex warned locking him with a death glare. "Don't push her away after everything she's been through."

"Everything she's been through?" Jay asked in disbelief.

"News flash, moron. She stood up for you not just to Craig but to Emma, to Sean, to your dad. Cut her some slack, so she screwed up. If I remember correctly you're not perfect either." Alex shot back in annoyance.

"Who died and made you queen of know it all?" Jay asked relaxing a little bit. He didn't want to fight with Lexie. At the moment she was the only person he wanted to see.


	16. Chapter 16

For the next few hours I gave Jay his space. I figured his recovering was more important than whatever drama was or wasn't going on between us. It was hard hanging out in the waiting room with everyone else. I could feel their questioning looks but thankfully no one verbally asked the questions.

When dinner time rolled around and the gang decided to go out and grab a bite to eat I declined their invitation. No matter what happened I had to talk to Jay. I just couldn't wait any longer. He needed to know I was sorry. He needed to know how much I cared.

I gently opened the door to his room to find him lying there watching television. The swelling in his face had gone down but the bruises were still visible. He didn't see me so I just stood there watching.

Eventually he looked over and asked, "You just going to stand there?"

I smiled, stepping further into the room. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been this nervous. Interview for co op with smeared eyeliner and a white shirt stained purple was easier than telling Jay Hogart that I was in love with him. I cleared my throat as I sat down in the same chair I'd been sitting in for days.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"How do you think I'm feeling?" He asked snidely.

I sighed, looking down at my hands instead of his eyes. The blue was swimming with anger and hurt and I couldn't bring myself to face it. He wasn't going to make this easy on me and I didn't blame him.

"Jay, you have no idea how sorry I am." I started. "I got carried away in a moment but I don't want to be with Craig. I want to be with you."

"Then why is he still here?" Jay asked. "Lets just face it Red, whatever was or wasn't going on between us was a mistake."

"Don't say that." I said, my voice shaking slightly.

"Oh, come on Ellie. You and me? That was never going to happen. I'm not stupid and you're no different then Emma." He replied.

It felt like a slap to the face. Being compared to Emma was one of the worst feelings I'd ever had, especially since it was Jay doing the comparing. I opened my mouth to defend myself but no words came out. I'd brought this all on myself but I was still determined to fix it.

That evening I went home with everyone else. I figured there was no reason to stay at the hospital overnight if Jay didn't want me there. I had things to do at home anyway. I leaned against the doorway of Craig's room watching as he flipped through the latest edition of Rolling Stone.

"Can we talk?" I asked. 

He quickly put down the magazine and sat up, patting the bedspread beside him. I hesitated a minute then sat down next to him. I made sure to leave plenty of space between us.

"What do you want, Craig?" I asked. "I mean, I told you how I felt about you at the wedding and you chose Manny. Why would you kiss me? Why would you risk it? What exactly is it that you want?"

"I don't know." He answered honestly.

I sighed turning slightly to look Craig directly in the eyes, "Well, I do know what I want. I want Jay. But I'm never going to be able to fix things with him if you're around. If you care about me at all Craig, you'll go back to Vancouver."

He sat quietly a moment and I figured he was working out an argument but when he opened his mouth he simply said, "Okay."

"Okay?" I asked.

"Okay, I'll leave." He said. "If that's really what you want then I'll go. But Ellie, I care about you a lot. If you ever need me for anything promise you'll call, write, email, something?"

"I promise." I replied.

Another weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't sure exactly how or if I could fix things with Jay but I knew with Craig out of the picture it would be a little easier, a little more possible. I felt a smile moving across my lips as both Craig and I stood up. I hugged him, thankful that he was going to back off and give me the chance to see if what I wanted was going to be as perfect as I thought it was.

I headed downstairs a short time later to find Manny moping around the living room. She had a box of tissues sitting beside her while she watched The Notebook on television. I flopped down next to her sitting the tissue on the coffee table.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked.

"This movie is just so sad." She cried.

I looked at her like she'd gone completely mad, "Then turn it off." 

She reached for the tissues and blew her nose, "No, it's one of my favorites."

I sat quietly for a minute, thankful that I wasn't one of those overly emotional girls like Manny. I watched the movie play in front of me, two people from two entirely different worlds, never supposed to be together, falling in love, being torn apart, and then finding each other again. Before I knew it I felt something slide down my cheek. I swiped it away quickly before Manny could notice.

"I saw that," She said through her tears, a little smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

I laughed, "Well, let's keep it between us."

"Deal," She added, setting her used tissue down and reaching for a new one. 

"Where is everyone?" I finally asked when the movie was over and the tears had stopped.

"Emma and Sean went down to the beach and Craig's packing." She explained, picking up her mass of tissues.

"Have you talked to him? About everything that happened?" I asked, reaching for my own tissues.

"No, I don't see the point. This isn't the first time he's cheated and I can't guarantee it's the last." She answered, heading towards the kitchen.

I followed, not giving her the chance to walk out of the conversation, "Do you love him?"

She paused with her back towards me before finally replying in a low voice, "Yes."

"Then don't give up so easily. Talk to him before he leaves Manny, otherwise you may miss your chance." I suggested, tossing my tissues into the trashcan before leaving her to soak in what I'd said. I hoped for both of their sakes she'd do it, she'd talk to him before he left. For some strange reason I wanted them to work things out.

There was a knock on the door. Craig stopped his packing to turn around and see who it was. He was surprised to see Manny standing in the doorway. She'd done her best to avoid him the last few days even more so once Jay had woken up.

"Hey," He said before adding, "Come in."

Craig moved a pile of clothes over so that Manny could sit down but Manny stayed in the doorway. They stood there staring at each other in silence for a minute before Manny finally spoke.

"I don't know if we're going to be able to get past this this time." She started. "You hurt me, Craig. Again."

Craig nodded sitting down in the spot he'd cleared, "I know and I'm sorry." 

"You're always sorry," She said in a small voice. "And I always forgive you. I'm just not so sure I can this time." 

Craig didn't speak. He wasn't sure what to say to that. He'd always taken it for granted that Manny would always be there no matter what he did, no matter how many times he screwed up. He felt hollow inside at the realization that she may not forgive him this time.

Manny sighed taking one step into the room, "I think we should take a step back and see what happens. You'll be in Vancouver for at least a couple more months, right? And I'm going to be a senior. I think the space will do us both good."

Craig nodded, "I'm going to miss you, Manny."

Manny smiled, "I'm going to miss you too, Craig. We can still talk though, on the phone or through email. I'm not saying we cut off all communication, just take a step back, you know?"

Craig left the next day and by the end of the week Jay was released from the hospital. I had volunteered to pick him up but he turned me down saying he'd already asked Alex to do it. I was disappointed but didn't argue. I spent the morning he was released cleaning up the house and doing up the laundry. I had worked myself into a frenzy by the time the front door opened and Jay limped his way in.

It took every thing I had not to throw myself at him. I was so happy to see him looking better. The bruises were fading and the stitches had been removed form the cut on his forehead. He was still limping and still fighting the pain in his ribs but it was only a matter of time before he'd be all healed. By the end of the summer he'd be the same old Jay.

"Let me help you," I said, taking a step towards him as he made his way into the living room.

"I'm fine," He replied firmly. "I can do it myself."

"Man, it's good to see you out of the hospital." Sean said breaking the tension in the room.

"Yeah well, I hope you didn't come all this way just for me." Jay added in irritation, "Because if you did, it was a wasted trip."

With that he disappeared into his bedroom the wooden door slamming shut behind him. I could feel everyone looking at me. Sean's eyes were burning a hole in my back. I muttered an excuse me before heading out the front door that Jay had just come in. I needed fresh air and a long walk.

I headed down to the beach, slipping off my flip flops and sinking my toes into the sand. I made my way along the water's edge letting the ocean water run over my bare feet. I breathed in the salty air, trying to clean my head of all the bad things that had happened this past week, for the last month, or year, or lifetime. Things had to get better eventually, right?

It was late when I finally made my way back to the house. Manny was sitting in a lawn chair on the back porch as I made my way up the steps. I flopped down next to her but it was minutes later before either of us spoke.

"You know you're pretty good at giving advice." Manny started. "Maybe, you should follow your own advice."

"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly confused.

"In the words of Ellie Nash, don't give up so easily. Talk to him otherwise you just might miss your chance." Manny replied with a little smile before standing up and walking back into the house.

I really hated it when Manny was right. It was time for me to be that fearless, strong, adventurous girl Jay had made me see. I made the decision that tomorrow, no matter how hard Jay made it I was going to tell him every thing. No matter what insults he threw at me, he was going to hear how I felt.

I woke up the next morning with and forced myself out of bed. Today was going to be the day. I showered and dressed before making my way downstairs.

"Good morning," Sean called from the couch where he was eating a bowl of cereal. 

"That has yet to be determined." I replied, walking into the kitchen and pouring a cup of coffee. "Have you seen Jay?" 

"Yeah, he insisted on going down to the beach. I tried talking him out of it but he wouldn't listen." Sean explained. 

"Thanks," I said before making my way out of the house and down the beach.

The day was overcast and a breeze had chased most of the people off the beach. Jay wasn't hard to find. He hadn't wandered too far from the house and I figured it must have had something to do with the pain.

"Hey," I said sitting down beside him in the sand.

"Hey," He mumbled, glancing at me briefly before turning his attention back towards the rough looking waves of the ocean.

"You have no idea how scared I was when you didn't come home that night." I started, trying to hold back the tears as long as possible. "How scared I was when that cop showed up."

I paused taking a deep breath as I forced myself to finish, "I know you're angry about the kiss with Craig but it meant nothing. He means nothing. You, Jay, you're everything."

By the time I finished he was looking at me but I couldn't read his expression. His face was blank and I felt my stomach flip. I wanted him to say something, anything. With a small smile he finally broke the silence, "Is that another Ellie Nash original?"

I laughed feeling a flood of relief, "Actually I borrowed it from the movie Dirty Dancing."

He chuckled washing away all the tension that had been surrounding us all summer, "We're going to have to do something about this love you have for eighties movies. It's just not natural."

"Hey," I started, nudging him gently. "You thought Bender was cool." 

"Yeah, that little redhead wasn't too bad either." He teased.

We were both laughing when the sky opened up and the rain began to beat down on us. I squealed jumping up and starting back towards the house. Jay reached out and grabbed my arm spinning me back around to face him.

"I thought you liked the rain," He said, pulling me even closer as he leaned in and kissed me.

I kissed him back as the rain washed over us soaking through our clothes. It was one of those moments when you expected to see fireworks. Everything slowed down and my only focus was on Jay and his lips. Fire shot through my spine. I couldn't help but think perfection was definitely better when it came at the price of imperfection.

A memory flashed into my head of a bad boy and a redhead kissing in the rain. Jay had just given me new reasons to love the eighties, to love The Breakfast Club. Jay had just given me new reason to love everything.


End file.
